by - April 28, 2022

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we're all doing great and following hard after all the Lord has placed in our hearts.

So today's post is a old post I published on October 31st, 2019. 

It's centered on very sensitive topic, and I'll add one or two thoughts to it also.

Let's go...


Virginity might not really be a big deal to some people, but for some, it means the world to them, and they can’t imagine having a spouse who won’t be able to give them that as a wedding gift.

The kind of upbringing some men have already conditioned them to thinking about what their weeding night would look like, with he and his bride being virgins.

Let’s talk about Timothy and Lola


Timothy was brought up in a Christian family, he sees the way his father still takes pride in talking about being the one to deflower his mum even after thirty-five years of marriage and three children. 

Timothy unconsciously begins to see himself years from now also sitting with his children and telling them about how he and their mother had kept themselves, and how he had been the first man to have canal knowledge of their mom.

He felt led to propose to a Lola who is a sister he met on a trip to Eygpt during a cell program, and after due diligence on the part of the sister, she gave her consent. The day she said yes was his most happiest day on earth, he felt on top of the world to be engaged to such a great lady, until that fateful day five months into the relationship, Lola breaks the news the that she is not a virgin after seeing the way he talks about virgins and virgin bride.

Timothy thought his whole world was going to crumble.

He sits down in his office and keeps staring into space while seeing nothing but his mind mapping out different scenes of several men sleeping with his fiancée. Although she didn’t give him the details, his mind is creating episodes of what that night must have looked like.

He is at cross roads not knowing if he should continue with the relationship or just break it out rightly, the more he prays about the case, the more light he sees on that path but he can’t imagine getting married to a woman he won’t be able to brag about being the first man to sleep with her.


Dear brother who is engaged to a lady who is not a virgin,

I understand that you must be feeling as though God has cheated you by not giving you an untouched lady, especially if getting married to a virgin had been something you have always looked forward to, you get annoyed sometimes that you’ll be getting married to a lady who you will not have the luxury of saying you were the one who broke her hymen.

I was raised up among people who hold virginity in a high esteem and who would never listen to the stories of other ladies who are not virgins regardless of what the circumstances surrounding their disvirginity state might have been. 

As I began to move through life, I have met people who are not virgins not because they didn't like it but because of situations beyond them.

Recently, I attended a program recently somewhere on the island here in Lagos, Nigeria where I presently live,  a forty -one year old woman talked to us about her journey and how she had been molested by her uncle several times at age eleven. 

Some ladies were abused, some were raped, some had this affair when they didn't really know what their life is about.

While there are ladies who walked into having sex with their eyes opened, there are still some ladies who had no say concerning thier present status. 

Or what do you say about a three year old girl whose neighbor molested her and that young age; she has lost her virginity even before knowing what it means.

And even if your fiancée had sex as an adult who knew what she was doing and the repercussions, in as much as she is now in Christ, she is no longer her mistake. There is no denying the fact that she has slept with someone, but, she is no longer that lady who used to spread her legs to guys anymore, she has been translated, she is new.

Yes, you had been keeping yourself and have high hopes that your partner too will follow that path, but her not being a virgin should not be held against her.

Her not being a virgin does not affect her ability to be a good wife to you and a great mother to the children you will both have. There is still a life after you sleep with her for the first time, think about that. 

Have you ever thought of what happens after your first sexual experience, even if you are both virgins, you won't be one after that night o.

Don’t lose a priceless jewel because it came in a container you didn’t like, don't say no, don't run out of that ship on this basis.

She is by no means less to her fellow sister with an unbroken hymen, one thing is common in both, their Lord is Christ. Rather than being annoyed over the fact that God cheated you by not giving you a woman who has kept herself especially as a reward for all the years you have kept yourself, thank God for the gift he gave you.

The same God of Virgin Mary is the same God of Rahab the prostitute, and once your fiancee has come to God, see her through the lens of Christ, choose to see her as God sees her, although it might be difficult at first especially if you have other female friends who are virgins and you wonder what it might be to be the first one to sleep with a woman, you’ll get over it when you dwell on her many other strength.

You might need to ask yourself these questions;

Does she love God?

Is she committed to you?

Is she growing in her walk with God?

Does your core value align?

Does she fit into the future God has shown you?

Do you love her?

If you can sincerely answer those questions in the affirmative, and you're convinced she is God's will for your life, don't let her not being a virgin stop you.

Remember, therefore, if anyone (woman) is in Christ, he (and in this case, she )is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

That is what God thinks about her, ask him for help too to be able to see beyond the messed up lady to a gift given to you by God.

There is so much light***

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