Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we're all doing great and following hard after all the Lord has placed in our hearts.

So today's post is a old post I published on October 31st, 2019. 

It's centered on very sensitive topic, and I'll add one or two thoughts to it also.

Let's go...

***

Virginity might not really be a big deal to some people, but for some, it means the world to them, and they can’t imagine having a spouse who won’t be able to give them that as a wedding gift.

The kind of upbringing some men have already conditioned them to thinking about what their weeding night would look like, with he and his bride being virgins.

Let’s talk about Timothy and Lola

Timothy was brought up in a Christian family, he sees the way his father still takes pride in talking about being the one to deflower his mum even after thirty-five years of marriage and three children. 

Timothy unconsciously begins to see himself years from now also sitting with his children and telling them about how he and their mother had kept themselves, and how he had been the first man to have canal knowledge of their mom.

He felt led to propose to a Lola who is a sister he met on a trip to Eygpt during a cell program, and after due diligence on the part of the sister, she gave her consent. The day she said yes was his most happiest day on earth, he felt on top of the world to be engaged to such a great lady, until that fateful day five months into the relationship, Lola breaks the news the that she is not a virgin after seeing the way he talks about virgins and virgin bride.

Timothy thought his whole world was going to crumble.

He sits down in his office and keeps staring into space while seeing nothing but his mind mapping out different scenes of several men sleeping with his fiancée. Although she didn’t give him the details, his mind is creating episodes of what that night must have looked like.

He is at cross roads not knowing if he should continue with the relationship or just break it out rightly, the more he prays about the case, the more light he sees on that path but he can’t imagine getting married to a woman he won’t be able to brag about being the first man to sleep with her.

***

Dear brother who is engaged to a lady who is not a virgin,

I understand that you must be feeling as though God has cheated you by not giving you an untouched lady, especially if getting married to a virgin had been something you have always looked forward to, you get annoyed sometimes that you’ll be getting married to a lady who you will not have the luxury of saying you were the one who broke her hymen.

I was raised up among people who hold virginity in a high esteem and who would never listen to the stories of other ladies who are not virgins regardless of what the circumstances surrounding their disvirginity state might have been. 

As I began to move through life, I have met people who are not virgins not because they didn't like it but because of situations beyond them.

Recently, I attended a program recently somewhere on the island here in Lagos, Nigeria where I presently live,  a forty -one year old woman talked to us about her journey and how she had been molested by her uncle several times at age eleven. 

Some ladies were abused, some were raped, some had this affair when they didn't really know what their life is about.

While there are ladies who walked into having sex with their eyes opened, there are still some ladies who had no say concerning thier present status. 

Or what do you say about a three year old girl whose neighbor molested her and that young age; she has lost her virginity even before knowing what it means.

And even if your fiancée had sex as an adult who knew what she was doing and the repercussions, in as much as she is now in Christ, she is no longer her mistake. There is no denying the fact that she has slept with someone, but, she is no longer that lady who used to spread her legs to guys anymore, she has been translated, she is new.

Yes, you had been keeping yourself and have high hopes that your partner too will follow that path, but her not being a virgin should not be held against her.

Her not being a virgin does not affect her ability to be a good wife to you and a great mother to the children you will both have. There is still a life after you sleep with her for the first time, think about that. 

Have you ever thought of what happens after your first sexual experience, even if you are both virgins, you won't be one after that night o.

Don’t lose a priceless jewel because it came in a container you didn’t like, don't say no, don't run out of that ship on this basis.

She is by no means less to her fellow sister with an unbroken hymen, one thing is common in both, their Lord is Christ. Rather than being annoyed over the fact that God cheated you by not giving you a woman who has kept herself especially as a reward for all the years you have kept yourself, thank God for the gift he gave you.

The same God of Virgin Mary is the same God of Rahab the prostitute, and once your fiancee has come to God, see her through the lens of Christ, choose to see her as God sees her, although it might be difficult at first especially if you have other female friends who are virgins and you wonder what it might be to be the first one to sleep with a woman, you’ll get over it when you dwell on her many other strength.

You might need to ask yourself these questions;

Does she love God?

Is she committed to you?

Is she growing in her walk with God?

Does your core value align?

Does she fit into the future God has shown you?

Do you love her?

If you can sincerely answer those questions in the affirmative, and you're convinced she is God's will for your life, don't let her not being a virgin stop you.

Remember, therefore, if anyone (woman) is in Christ, he (and in this case, she )is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

That is what God thinks about her, ask him for help too to be able to see beyond the messed up lady to a gift given to you by God.

There is so much light***

Hey Blogfam

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all the Lord has placed in our hearts.

So today’s post is a personal finance post.

I am in my 20s although I am yet to decide if my age is included in the mid-twenties or late-twenties, whichever part of the spectrum that I belong to, the crux of the matter is that I am in my twenties and I have people within this age bracket make mistakes with their money. 

I have seen young people make a lot of mistakes with their money in their twenties.

The twenties for most of us is the time when we finish our first degree, and start working on our first jobs, it is the first time most of us have access to a monthly salary aside from the regular upkeep our parents sent to us during the undergraduate days.

So for some of us, we tend to indeed have increased access to money but with the access comes another problem, not being able to know what to do with the money, and thereby making some avoidable mistakes.

Even if you are not in your twenties, do keep reading because you'll learn a thing or two, so without further ado, let’s just right into today’s post;

1.    1. SPENDING ALL YOU EARN

The twenties are the years that most often than not, you still live with your parents, with little or no bill to pay for yourself, you are fed during the hours you are at home, and others even have the luxury of taking lunch to work, so in a nutshell, you aren’t spending your money on shelter and food, the only one might be on the clothing, and the monthly cash you give to your parents per month.

It then becomes a thing of concern when after one year of working, a young man in his twenties doesn’t have a healthy percentage of his income that hasn’t been spent on frivolities.

While this is not to judge you because I know that sometimes life happens, make sure you are not making the mistake of spending all your earnings. It's a big mistake. 

2.    2. NOT SAVING & INVESTING ON TIME

This is closely related to the first point.

If there is another mistake people in their twenties make, then it is the mistake of not saving.

One of the excuses young people in their twenties give for not saving is that; ‘The money is not enough.

It’s funny how a young person will claim that his/her salary is not enough when he doesn’t pay the rent for his house or have people he is feeding.

While I know that some people reading this might be in their twenties and are already married meaning that they already have to pay bills and cater to the wellbeing of their family, even then, you still have to save a portion of your income.

Ask any finance-oriented person you have around you, and they will tell you that if you start saving and investing the money saved in a high-interest account that gives say a 10% per annum, and you start doing this by the time you are age 25, if another friend starts saving and investing in the same account at 35, the young person who started his saving and investing at 25 will have a minimum of 30% more than the person who started at 35 years old, sometimes even more than 30%. It's called the power of compounding, and to truly enjoy this power, you need the years. 

You don’t want to save because you think the money is not enough, but if you look closely into your life, you’ll realize that there are some frivolities that you spend money on that are totally unnecessary. Make a list of the things you spend your income on and see for yourself. 

If after looking at your list, you realize that all the things you have on the list are essential, now may be the time to start thinking about what else you can do to increase your income which will help you save.

I am from the Yoruba tribe in Nigeria, and they have an adage which I'll translate loosely; the money a young boy makes first is used in the purchase of mundane things. This doesn’t have to be you, you can use the money you have access to now for things that truly matters to you which will continually yield into your 30s, 40s and beyond.

If you think you have no need for money at the moment and hence you don’t need to save, I’d tell you that it is better to have money saved and not need it, than to need money and not have money saved. The latter is not a good place to be at all, and I am sure you don’t want to be there. So, don't make the mistake of not saving moving. 

3.   3. THINKING YOU HAVE TIME

Another mistake that people in their twenties make is thinking that they have time, it is true that you still have the advantage of time ahead of you, it is also true that the clock is ticking and time waits for no one. 

I celebrated my birthday about two weeks back, and I was telling a friend how I couldn’t believe it has been almost six years since I left the university. I mean it still feels like yesterday. It only drives home the point that time waits for no one.

If you don’t start doing what needs to be done with your finances while thinking that you have time, you might just suddenly wake up one day only to discover tomorrow is your 40^th birthday.

Yes, you still have the advantage of time, but ensure that you are fully maximizing it.

4.   4. INVESTING IN THINGS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

A look at the statistics of those falling for the get-rich-quick schemes are majorly people in their twenties.

One of the mistakes you can make as a person in your twenties is putting your income into a business idea or an investment opportunity that you do not fully understand, it can cost you a lot.

The advantage of the time that you have is a good thing here because, for whatever that happens in your twenties, you can always still scale through and come out at the other side of the tunnel stronger, but even with the advantage of time, it is best you only put your money in the things you understand. 

You don't want to lose three years' income on a business idea that goes bad. 

This does not mean that you should be totally risk-averse, who will never put money into a business unless you understand it 100%, of course not. There is a need to understand whatever you want to invest in to a large extent, and after you have done your due diligence and you feel comfortable with your decision, by all means, go ahead. Balance is the key here. 

5.   5. NOT INVESTING IN KNOWLEDGE

My first degree was in Microbiology, this is to show you that I don’t have a background in the money world, and even if you have a degree in Accounting, most of the things you were taught were the theoretical part of managing money or how to manage funds for the government and not how to make,  manage and multiply your own money. 

In the real world now, you’ll have to seek the knowledge that can help your finances. That you are reading this Blog Post shows that you are interested in your financial life.

And to fully understand all things money, you will have to read books, watch vides, subscribe to finance communities and keep learning.

Don't take a passive role in the matter of your personal finance, take an active one. The person you will look at on your 50th birthday (if Christ tarries) will thank you for it. 

As a recap, the mistakes for you to avoid are; don't spend all you earn, start saving and investing on time, don't think about the time you have ahead thereby procrastinating on what you need to get done now, don't invest in the things you don't understand, and keep getting all the knowledge you can that can help your finances. 

So, there you have it, and I am sure you got a thing or two.

See you next week Thursday by God's grace.

There Is So Much Light***

Related: PERSONAL FINANCE; WHAT IF I LOSE MY JOB TOMORROW?

              PERSONAL FINANCE; DO I NEED TO EARN MORE TO SAVE MORE?

Hey Blog Fam

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

Today’s post is quite a sensitive one, especially for the Gen Z and millennials who have come to accept the digital life and world as normal.

I for one belong to the Gen Z group, I was born in the mid-nineties, so by the time I was a teenager and blooming into adulthood, the social media thing was already a norm.

Looking back now, I remember how as a secondary school student, my friends and I usually attend a tutorial center, it was a volunteering foundation that believed in adding the knowledge we were getting from school. We were taught Mathematics, English, and about life. 

After this tutorial every Saturday, I and my two friends usually visit a café. A cafe is a place where the owner of the business buys desktops/laptops and then buys data for his space. Anyone who wants to use the desktop/laptop will walk into such a space and buys time in exchange for the ability to use the desktop. 

It was during one of my visits to this place that I opened my first Facebook account, as at the time of writing this, that time is over twelve years now.

The world has evolved over time from when I used to go to cafés to browse to now access to all the apps in the world on my phone with an internet facility.

Those days, once your time expired in the café, you had to leave the place or buy time again. But in our world today, you can decide to be on Facebook or Instagram from 7:00am to 7:00pm and once your phone is charged and you have data or access to Wifi, you can make good this dream.

Social Media has a lot of uses and it can either be a good thing or an evil thing depending on how you use it.

I am currently reading the book Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, it was recommended by CoachE' and so much knowledge is flooding my heart!

The way we use Social Media can either be to our advantage or not.

People have failed exams, burnt food, and had accidents that were so fatal that they led to death all because of their use of social media.

Others have won scholarships, had people co-fund their university education, and even met their spouses all because of their use of social media.

So, you will agree that social media is not good or bad, it only depends on how you use it.

Let me share some thoughts to help you in your use of the social media that is bound to help you get the best out of it and to ensure that the evil therein does not overpower you.

1.   1. Always Remember That You Are The Product

This will be the number one thing for me.

Research describes Social Media describes as the business sector that makes money gathering consumers’ attention and then repackaging and selling it to advertisers.

You see the modern apps on your phone were designed with the best intention of connecting you with your loved ones and giving you information, but over the years, they have moved from that noble goal to ensuring that you are addicted to their service.

The concept behind this is that the more time you use on these apps, the more the company’s venue increases.

Social media can be so addictive, that you find yourself spending between three to five hours daily on it while neglecting all the more important things that you should be doing with your own life.

When next you are about to login into an App, remember that you are the product, and ensure that rather than having some companies use you, make sure you only use those apps in a way that makes you a more valuable person.

2.   2. Regulate The Time You Spend On It

Telling you to abruptly stop using your social media apps is not sustainable.

You can sustain it for a while, but over time, it will only lead you to burn out.

As someone who has been consistently using social media without any regulation, you might want to cut the time you have been spending on it in half, and then move from there. You can track the hours you use on it. If you have been using three hours per day before, you might want to consider reducing that three hours to two-and-half hours and continually keep reducing that time at intervals, until you reach a healthy limit.

There are ways you can track the time you spend using these various apps. Go to the settings of your phone and walk your way to the App management, and regulate the time you spend on these Apps. 

Even if you have a business that thrives online, know when to stay online and when to go offline. Don’t deceive yourself when you know that the reason you are online is not the business but the enjoyment you are enjoying from scrolling through the various newsfeeds. To thy own self be true. 

Remember that the more time you spend on these apps, the less time you have to spend on the things that really matter to you.

3.   3. Only Start Using It When You Are Through With Your Major Goals

Another way you can use social media in a healthy way is by disciplining yourself to only log into some social media sites only if you have ticked off all your major goals for the day.

In practice, let’s say your three important goals for the day is to read 30 pages of your book for the month, journal, and finish the report you are expected to submit to your director at work. You start your day with doing these three top goals, during the hours spent trying to do these top three goals, you are not expected to log in to any social media app, you are expected to face your assignments squarely only after you are through with your tasks, then and only then will you be allowed to login into any site.

Doing this requires a whole lot of discipline and it shows how much value you place on your life.

While there might be no one there to judge if you didn’t quickly login to a website, I’ll advise that you value yourself that much to stick to doing the things you said you would do and only come on social media when you are through with your tasks.

No one might know, but you know when you are being true to yourself.

4    4. Replace The Time You Use On It With Other Productive Activities

Everyone is given twenty-four hours a day, but the quality of life we individually live depends on the things we do during those twenty-four hours every day.

While a portion of those hours goes into sleeping to refresh our bodies, the remaining hours are for us to decide what to do with them.

After you have decided to start reducing the time you spend on social media, the time will be there for you to fill, but when you do not fill it up, you might be tempted to waste it or worse go on the social media.

So to help curb this, you need to put those free hours you previously used on social media with productive things.

Depending on your season in life, the list of productive things you can indulge in differs. It can include;

-         Reading a chapter of a book

-          Visiting  a friend

-          Praying

-          Finally studying that portion of the bible you have procrastinated upon

-          Listening to a podcast while taking notes

This list is not exhaustive.

While some of the ideas on the list include things you have to do online or on your phone, to reduce the temptation of quickly checking your news feed, you can do them on your laptop, or go offline before deciding to do them. You can also download the book you want to read, read a hard copy bible instead of the one on your phone to reduce the temptation or download the podcasts before listening to it.

Another way is to totally delete the Apps from your device so that rather than fighting the temptation, you can decide to eliminate it. Before deleting the apps, make sure you have done the process mentioned in number 2 of this post so that you will not end up feeling deprived and then not caring about the hours you spend on it and thereby forfeiting the benefit of the whole process.

5.       

5    5. Use Certain Apps Only On Weekends

This is another game-changer.

As you are trying to limit the time you spend on social media, you can decide to restrict the use of some Apps to only weekends. This will help you face your tasks squarely knowing that by Saturday and Sunday, you will be able to use the apps.

And even in your use during the weekend, make sure it is regulated, so that you don’t end up using ten hours every weekend mindlessly scrolling up and down various news feeds.

Intentionality is the word here.

6. Mute All Notifications

I have done this for over two years now and I can't imagine living life with all notifications on.

6.   7. On Weak Days, Don't Go Too Far

There are days I have found myself, mindlessly scrolling news feeds too. It often comes after a season of total abstinence, and then I decide to splurge a little. 

There are days like that, the goal is to make sure those days are rare.

In your journey towards reclaiming your life from social media, there will be days you find yourself spending too much time than you allotted online. 

I have days when I look at my daily goals and rather than ticking items off, I move from one social site to another, while this is not to promote indiscipline, it is just to tell you there might be times once in a while when you find yourself slipping into mindless scrolling on news feed.

A big caveat here should be to tell you that while these days can happen, it should be occasional and not the norm. it should happen like once in a white moon (whatever this means), just to let you know that it should be a very rare occurrence. Remember, we are disciplined people, who are also disciplined even in our use of social media.

Don't stop browsing to do your tasks, take a break from your tasks to quickly browse and get back to your tasks. 

Social media is neither good nor bad for us, it only depends on how we use it. 

These are my thoughts, and I trust that God helps us to use our time wisely and not have an excuse for not doing the things we should do because we were staring at the glowing screens of our devices.

There Is So Much Light*** 

Related: POINTERS THAT YOU NEED A SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK + HOW TO GET IT DONE

                HOW TO OVERCOME PROCASTINATION AND GET THE JOB DONE

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we are doing great and following hard after all that God has placed in our hearts.

Today’s post is a life update.

So, on the 5th Of April of every year, I celebrate my birth anniversary, and the Tuesday of this week was another celebration, and oh boy, my joy this year was on another level.

God has consistently remained so good to me; he has been so so so kind to me.

I remember how at my last birthday celebration, I was in a very dark season, I had put a substantial amount of money into a business that went bad( almost 7-digits) and my birthday wasn’t such a happy day for me especially because I still had to refund the money amongst other things.

I look back now at where I was last year, and where I currently am, and I can proudly say that God has been so good.

Anyone looking at my life now might be tempted to think that I now have life all rosy, yes it is rosy by God’s grace (I love confessing positive all the time because I have learned that I will have whatever it is I say), but then I still have my share of this and that.

Related: IT’S ANOTHER BIRTHDAY; 7 LESSONS I HAVE LEARNT SO FAR

The morning of my birthday celebration came bearing the result of an examination I had earlier written this year. I passed some of my courses and I have to re-sit some of the courses too. But regardless of whatever result I might have, God is good, regardless!

I am reaching a place in my walk with God where I am finally coming to judge God faithful regardless of my current situation.

When my life is going the way I envisaged and love, God is Good.

When my life is going in a way that I didn’t really plan and it looks like I am being seemingly delayed, God is Good!

I am finally getting to a place where I am choosing to judge God faithful and I am so maintaining my God-given joy irrespective of the current situation.

So that is what we are doing this year, judging God to be faithful!

I do hope that you can inculcate this habit in your personal life too, and judge God to be faithful. Don’t allow the current situation of things to make you think otherwise.

God remains on the throne, and it is so well with you.

Choose Joy!

There Is So Much Light***

Read: 8 THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR IN THIS NEW AGE