Click here to read Part 1

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust you are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in your heart to do.

Today's post is the continuation of the review of a relationship book written by two couples; David & Claudia Arp and Curt & Natelle Brown.

So, let's move to Date Six - Date Eight which will be the focus for today's review.

Date Six – Leaving And Cleaving

The anchor scripture for this chapter was Genesis 2:24: "therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh."

After marriage, the lady’s place will no longer be at her parent’s side, but at the man’s side, and vice versa too. While this is not to say that the couple will not have a loving relationship with their parents once they get married, it just shows that at every point in time, they are both to know where their loyalty lies. 

After marriage, the first human priority of each partner is to be the other, every other person is meant to take the second position. 

Parents meddling into the affairs of the couple is a concept that should be strongly frowned at, their place after marriage is to be beside the couple and not in between them. While this is not to talk down on the counsel of elders, of course not, but the couple must know where to draw the line.

Questions on responsibilities and the culture that were seen in the house of each partner must also be discussed, because to a large extent, what is the norm in the family of origin can be seen as what is obtainable everywhere else, and if it is not discussed, it can pose a problem in the marriage.

Beyond physically leaving home, there has to be a re-pioritization that must occur mentally. 

It is also adviseable to discuss the plan on how involved friends will be in your relationship, same sex friendship and friends of the opposite sex. How far will be too far to go with any friend? What are you not going to feel comfortable that your partner is discussing with a friend? How will you react if I tell you to stop going out with a particular friend, will you think I am too jealous? Please ask these questions.

Cleaving is a commitment that goes beyond just staying together with someone in the same room. It is becoming one in spirit, soul and body. Two whole human being, becoming one. This is the goal.

Even after marriage and the children start coming, partners are still expected to date themselves.

 

Date Seven – Celebrating Intimacy

This chapter talks about sexual intimacy, and if you are a courting couple, you might have to off mic a couple of times (except if you are getting married anytime soon).

To keep intimacy going in the marriage relationship will not be a walk in the park, it will entail being very deliberate because amidst all the hustle bustle of life, the temptation to let go of your partner will increase, but that temptation must not be yielded to.

Intimacy will not happen naturally all of the time, maybe, maybe not, work has to continually be on it to make it a priority.

There are other sides of love that are not sexual but emotional, like hugs, touches here and there, partners should be as generous as possible with this emotional bonding in the marriage.

Trusting that your partner wants the best for you is also an essential element here, because when you feel a level of trust, then and only then will you be able to maintain a state of utmost vulnerability with each other.

Amidst all going on in the world, the relationship must always remain a priority, and honesty when communicating must also be practiced.

Children, as great as they are in a family can also affect intimacy negatively if not monitored, plans should be made to ensure the children stand beside and not between the partners, just like the parents of the couple.

Partner’s private time should always be protected and you are expected to pray together. 

Sex and marriage are inseperable, and singles hoping to get married one day had better start re-coditioning their mind to accept this truth. It is what it is.

Discussion should also be made on each partner’s expectations as it relates to sexual fantasies.

Tips for newly married;

-          Become learners

-          Become explorers

-          Become other-centered (and not just you-centered)

Having a love life saver is also essential, this concept  states that you and your partner are to have a day of the week when just you and your partner get to hang out without the kids just for bounding sake.

Nothing happens by chance, and it is the same for the sexual life of a married couple, and you are both to mentally prepare to intentionally make time for your sexual life.

 

Date Eight- Realizing Roles And Planing For Family

This chapter was focused on what the partners idea is as it relates to roles that each person will be expected to play as well as planning the family.

One of the topics under discuss here will be division of household task, and you'll agree that this is such an essential point. Division of household task is strongly related to couple satisfaction, because happy couples makes decisions jointly and to allocate household chores based on interest and skill rather than traditional roles.

In dividing roles in the house especially domestic affairs, the questions to answer includes;

-          Who likes doing what task?

-          Who is best with this task?

Anyone who ticks these boxes can then take up the responsibility. The goal is not to be a traditional family where it is a certain gender that cooks, while the other gender provides, roles are now being shared on who is available and likes doing it better, and who can perform at that moment.

Does this mean that the other party who doesn’t like doing a specific task will not do it if necessary, of course not, it only shows that the person who likes a particular task more will get to do it more often. And remember, you and your partner are a team, and the ultimate is playing to win, regardless of who is paying in the offense or defense. 

Just win.

You might want to discuss these responsibilities with your partner and agree on who is supposed to do what so you are both on the same page. 

This list of responsibilities can serve as a guide;

-          Paying of rent/mortgage

-          Cook meals

-         Fix minor faults in the home and call for professional help when necessary

-          Wash clothes

-          Help kids with assignment

-          Buy foodstuff

All the responsibilies has to be done, but there are times when both partners might not be ready to do it, in this case, compromise will have to come to play. Who does what is not as important as the philosophy of sharing the load together and both partners being happy.

Many couples get into roles only based on what was modeled to them from their family of origin, while this is not bad in itself, but you have to make sure it fits into your own family’s peculiarities.

When it comes to family planning, discuss on this, how many children do you intend to have and what age gap do you intend putting in between them?

You have to also determine what having children means to you? 

For some, it can be a way of populating the earth, for another, it might mean being trusted by God to raise a child for Him. Know what having children  means to you and your partner.

 

So this is the review of chapter six – eight, the review of chapter 9 and 10 will be published next week.

See ya on Thursday.

 

There Is So Much Light***