Do you want to force me to church? Kunle asked me as he rolled over on the bed

It was Sunday morning and I was all dressed to go to church with my two daughters, and here is my husband who is still rolling over on the bed.

I looked back at him and the jungle where the hatred in my heart came from is what I don’t think I’ll ever find out.

Who would have thought this was the same man I had a crush on when I was in 300 level, the same man who had traveled all the way from Kano where he was serving to propose to me when I just came out the examination hall after I had written my last paper would ever turn out like this.

I can still remember the day he proposed to me, I had felt it was just the best thing that could ever have happened to me, who would have thought that a two-time fellowship president would ever even look at my side, to think that my leadership position could easily be neglected and I didn’t even come into the leadership position until 400 level when he was already a graduate.

I accepted the proposal because I just felt this man was too good to be true, and coupled with the fact that he was more spiritual than I was, I felt he must have prayed through for both of us and that his own spirituality will just carry us through the whole relationship phase.

I never knew I was making one of the greatest errors I would ever make in my life.

Few months into the relationship, I realized that although Kunle can pray until the ground of the fellowship was almost begging him to stop stamping his feet on them, but the Kunle I now know outside the public eyes is one who can’t pray for fifteen minutes on his own.

I initially thought Kunle was just tired the first time I told him to allow us have a day of the week which we will be praying, before discussing it with him, I had felt he was supposed to be the one initiating that, but probably he forgot na, and being the virtuous lady I was supposed to be, I took the responsibility of initiating it.

We got praying one of those Thursdays, only to discover that Kunle had slept all through the prayer session, this man was busy sleeping while I was praying. He told me he was tired after the day’s job and I also accepted it and helped him put up to tiredness,but by the time my man of God had done this times without number, I knew something was wrong.

I later realized that he was only a fire brand brother outside without having anything solid on the inside.

I kept mute about the whole situation, I was engaged to a fire brand man ke, all my fellowship sisters were all jealous he chose me, the respect people have been giving me sef has increased, I hear the respect in the voice of the current president whenever he called me on the phone, everyone saw me as the fiancee of their two-time president and gave me that honor, who am I then to back out at this point?

The shame will be too much. 

And the bible didn’t even say that the husband must be the higher one spiritually, I can easily fill in the gap too, and it is not like my man was not spiritual o, he only loved praying outside where others can see him than praying on his own.

Kunle is a man that just by looking at him on the altar, you would think he spends hours on his knees, or that his journal will be filled with instruction from the Lord, but that is just a façade, he can’t pray on his own for fifteen minutes, the only time he studies the bible is when he has a ministration. 

I patched it up until we got married, on my wedding day, I sincerely appreciated God that I didn’t call off the relationship, you just have to see the massive crowd that came from the campus fellowship, all the presidents of other campus fellowship nko, that day was simply great!

I was married to the husband of my youth and nothing could ever go wrong!

I never knew I could be so wrong until he just started giving flimsy excuses for not coming to mid-week service in church, he didn’t have any solid excuse because although our local assembly was far but there were other branches of our church he could attend during the week, still he didn't deem it worth his time. 

The part that finally broke the camel’s back was when I started forcing him to church on Sundays. 

I couldn’t believe that a two-time president could ever become that, but here I was living with this night mare of a man, and to think that I only continued our relationship then because of what others will say.

I am stuck with that man now.

I literally have tears in my eyes this morning when my five-year old son said he wants to stay with his father while I go to church on Sunday with our daughters; Arike& Esther. He says he prefers to stay with his dad and he will only go to church if he sees his dad going, that was when I knew I had entered it.

Kunle only looked at me and smiled that morning and I literally felt my heart break into tiny pieces.

 

***

Dear People of God,

Not everybody you see jumping around or full of activities is real, we have so many people who are only filled with energy when they are in public, but behind the cameras, they have no ongoing relationship with the Father.

They can sound all Christianess even when they have not opened their bible on their own for months. 

I know this is very possible, I grew up in a Pastor’s house and way before I gave my life to Christ I had no challenge sounding all Godly even when I didn’t have any relationship with God, these things just rub off on you when you are in that atmosphere.

Of all things, public life is the easiest to live, but what happens after the lights have gone out, what becomes of you?

If there is any prayer I am praying, it is that I want to be real, I don’t want to be a fake woman.

In fact, I want to be more solid in my private life than what is on display.

It isn’t enough to pray for 12 hours at a meeting, but how many hours do you pray when it’s just you in your room, it’s a great to give great exegesis during Sunday school, but asides that, what happens when it is just you and your master in the room?

Enough of public ministry without depth.

We are to first take roots downwards (within) before bearing fruits upwards (without).

We can be both solid in the public and even more solid in the private.

And if you are still yet to get married, get married to the person on the inside and not just the person who is jumping up and down the alter, sometimes, those two don't match.

Grace is available…