There are some things we all grew up believing either because of where we grew up or the situations surrounding us.

One of the lies the enemy will see to it that you keep believing is

You Are Not Enough

It is that voice that keeps reminding you that regardless of what you do, you are not just good enough.

There are times when those voices become so loud in our spirit and it seems that no matters what we do and how excellently we do them, we just still feel that we haven’t done well.

Some of these voices might be as a result of our growing up and what that uncle or aunt used to say behind us or to our faces, and some of those things just sticks with us and follows us almost everywhere we go on earth.

Some of those voices begins to instill fear into our heart and we tend to row up into being people who second guess almost every move they make.

We buy a car and then we are considering if the car is as nice as it looks like in our eyes.

We get an apartment and the next thing in our heart is if the apartment meets up to the standards of these voices which are still echoing in our minds.

While some of these voices are easily silenced, some require that we almost on a daily basis keep speaking words against them.

The challenge with this voices which keeps screaming that we are never going to be enough is that it is only a mirage, it is just like a cow being tied with a rope to a small plastic chair, the cow keeps seeing that it is tied and so can’t move from where it is, but what it doesn’t understand is that if it decides to move, that small plastic chair can’t stand in the way as it is capable of pulling that chair in whatever direction it decides to go.

The lie that we are not and can never be enough is one lie that the enemy wants us to keep believing, he knows that if we know the truth and come to believe it then he has lost half the battle so he wants to keep us in the dark and believing the wrong things which aren’t consistent with what God has for us and what he wants us to have.

While some of these lies are subtle, others are very glaring and easy to see.

No matter how beautiful or intelligent we are, the enemy’s joy is usually to make us take our eyes away from the many things we are and can do, he hopes to keep our eyes on those things that we are not.

For example, as a young lady, you are a little bit short but highly intelligent, what the enemy wants is to make sure you do not see how intelligent God has made you be, he desires to keep your eyes on that seemingly one thing you have no control over.

A man’s challenge might be that he just got back from NYSC and  got employed into this start-up company, and although he is doing well for a fresh graduate who has his whole life still ahead of him, the enemy wants to make sure the things his eyes keeps seeing are all the negatives and none of the many things that are working well in his life.

For another lady, it might be the fact that she is fat or slim, I understand that this is a very delicate subject as there are people who are fat and it isn’t just because of the things they eat.

I for one tend to be on the slim side than on the fat side of the equilibrium, and this is not because I don’t eat large meals, I know some fat people who don’t eat as much as I eat and they are still on the big side while I remain on the slim part of the equilibrium for now. I have seen ladies who are a little plumb do all manner of things and take all manner of product just to get to a certain cloth size. She sees the girl next door who has her desired body shape and all her achievements and talents turns to dust in her eyes.

Most times, our eyes are shut to the many things that we are in God, while we just keep focusing on the fact that we are not enough.

Some of these things includes;

I am fat

I am too skinny

I have a job that pays too little

I don’t have hour lass figure

I have big eyeballs

I don’t have a car at my age

I am short

I am too tall

I am too round

I am flat chested

I can’t talk without stuttering

I am not intelligent

***

While there are certain things on that list that we can do something about, there are also some that regardless of what we do, we just can’t do anything about them.

I have big eyeballs and I have been called different names on the basis of how large my eyeballs are, from been called eagle eyes in secondary school, to been called ojuyobo, and just any name you can imagine someone who has big eye balls is called.

This used to affect me a little while growing up, until I gained knowledge one day when I heard someone talking accepting every  part of your body for what it is, as you could't just cut out that part.

I realized that although my eyeballs were big but on the flip side, if I decide to pluck them out, that will only make me blind and since then I have learnt to accept my eyeballs for what they are.

And as I even advanced in the years, I have also come to realize that those eyeballs that used to earn me all those demeaning words those years aren’t so big any more as my face became chubbier to accommodate them.

My case might seem so trivial when compared to yours, yours might still be something that keeps earning you all the demeaning words possible, but learn to accept yourself.

You owe yourself that much.

You are enough, and although you might not always believe that, speak it until it sinks into your subconsciousness.

Tell yourself,

I am beautiful

I am handsome

I am blessed

I am smart

I have a great body

I am Enough!

Don’t keep buying the lies of the enemies, it won’t do you any good.

The danger that accompanies believing this lie is that there are some dimension that this fear of not being enough will stop you from reaching, you might not be as tall as that lady next door but that does not in any way mean that you are less smart than she is.

You might not be born into that family next door and so didn’t grow up with those privileges that you saw them enjoy naturally, but that doesn’t mean you won’t amount to anything.

You can still be the best at that job or in that office if only you can choose to start living life not in the light of who you used to be but in the person you are now and you’re becoming.

You see people doing the things you have always harbored in your heart over the years and even when God orchestrated events to make it possible for you to do them, you still didn’t do them and you keep stalling on them all because in your own mind, you are thinking;

Who will read a book published by someone like me?

Who will download my song?

Who will come to an event someone like me organizes?

Who will pay to listen to me speak?

One thing you often forget is that you are enough and no two people on this side of eternity is like you. No person on this side of eternity has your zeal, your experiences, your touch, there is just something about you.

Ever wondered why the fingerprints are unique and no two finger print ever match?

It goes a long way to show that God definitely took his time in creating you and there are no two persons in this side of eternity is configured like you.

You Are Enough!

You are not hated.

You are the beloved child of the Father, and even though you might doubt that most of the time because of the things that you see around or because of the words people speak to you, but that’s the truth.

Rather than accepting the fact that you are not wise, say I am smart and I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me.

Rather than accepting that I can’t amount to anything in your life,  say I am a child of God and I have the mind of Christ.

Rather than accepting the fact that you won’t become anything of significance because your parents lived an average life, say I am a blessed child of the Father and the Father desires that I be blessed.

Counter every negative word or thought with a positive one.

You Are Enough!

Start seeing yourself as such!

While this is not a list of things that men should begin to squeeze themselves into, it is a list that provides guide on the things that really matter.

Tofumi Pels has this to say

Grace A. has this to say

 A man that has allowed the workings of the Holy Spirit in his life to overcome flesh and self

The man that his words are totally and always true and doesn’t have anything hidden. No hiding of password, finances and past experiences

A man going on the same direction i.e. complimenting each other, and the man must have a major role to play in the woman’s vision and the woman must be ready to do same.

The man must give freely to God first and then others. Not someone who is stingy and he should be willing to go the extra mile to make the wife successful and comfortable.

The man must have a strong fellowship and intimacy with God and always thirst and hunger for God’s fellowship. He should be a carrier of God’s presence always, and also see the woman is growing to have a strong intimacy with God

Elizabeth O. has this to say

So what we want

Be Responsible

Some men in today’s world are highly irresponsible, while people think that it is just women who are sitting down and folding their hands doing nothing, it will be a major shock if you're opportuned to see some homes where it is the wife who is shouldering all the responsibilities of the home while the man of the house is comfortable with just sitting down at home while she goes out and bring food to the table.

While this is not saying that women should totally rely on their men and not be able to step into some shoes if things aren’t going on well, far from it, but men should be responsible enough.

Have A Vision You’re Pursuing

Most Godly women aren’t looking for already made men, while having your own stuff is appreciated, but it isn’t the core of it all.

While most men think that all women want is money but that is only a big joke, not every woman is moved by just how many zeros your account reflects, while we know that there are several things that money can buy, we also know that there are some things that money cannot buy.

You have money, fine but what happens when any unforeseen circumstances just shows up, what do you have on the inside that can guarantee the multiplication of the things you currently have?

We hear a lot about women not leaving a man that has a big vision and following a man who has a big television set because it is only a matter of time before she will start seeing that man with a big television in her husband’s television.

While this is not saying men who have television do not have vision (is there a man in today’s world who doesn’t’ have television?)

All that is saying is that ladies shouldn’t be moved just by the present while leaving the ultimate.

Most women at least those I know will never follow a man just based on what his present pay cheque is because they have come to understand that it isn’t just about what he has now but what he can have with God and the vision currently driving him.

Love And Fear Of God

While a man who loves his woman is a great deal, but we’d prefer a man who loves the Lord deeply, there are some situations where just his love for his woman won’t be able to keep him, but his love for God is able to take him through those circumstances.

While Joseph was in Potiphar’s house, we weren’t told if he already had a relationship going with a woman or not, but even in a strange land just one thing helped him put his zip in its right place.

This was his question to the Potiphar’s wife

How can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?

It is first about God!

There is just an aura about you loving God, it is something that is almost tangible.

There is definitely something about a man who loves and fears God.

Be Financially Stable

While most men think that most what most women want is money, money and a little more money and until you have that currency in abundance, then you shouldn’t come close to her, but that is not the total truth.

What most Godly women wants as deduced by what the ladies I interviewed said is not just a man with lots of money to throw around but a God-fearing and responsible man.

If that man has enough cash to throw around or not will not be an issue as that will only be the icing on the cake and not the cake itself because she is confident that with God and her presence in his life, what he lacks today will become excess tomorrow.

Godly ladies are not moved by how much you have or how much you earn, while it is not as though we love to suffer but we have come to realize that although a man might not look like it today, but that doesn’t he would not become.

As God’s girls, we see things beyond the physical, we understand that all the things that we can see now were all made from things not seen.

It is only a matter of time before he becomes blessed in All things!

This isn’t in anyway telling God’s sons to be lazy or to just accept whatever life throws at them, far from it!

They are to be diligent men, men who can talk at the gates and will be listened to.

Relationship is capital intensive, while a Godly woman would not keep tasking you and demanding that you should buy her things, but that doesn’t stop you from buying her stuff.

Sometimes, it isn’t in how expensive what you’re buying is but the heart behind it and from whom it is coming.

Be ready to buy her expensive gifts, be prepared to buy her things that are not so capital intensive too.

Be ready to be a man!


Have A Great Dress Sense

Know basic tips of dressing.

Please say no to the temptation to wear a brown shoe with a black belt.

Please, know your size, no need buying a shirt that is twice your size.

No award is given to the man who wears trousers that are longer than his height.

So, Men Of God (smiles)

We have compiled this list to let you see the things that really matters, so happy ticking off the list.

The issue of extramarital affairs is fast becoming a big deal in today’s world.

Infidelity is a very major back bone of every divorce and this infidelity is centered on a lady who opened her hands up to another man’s husband.

Out of all the men who end up divorcing their wives, 70% of them have ladies on the side who are waiting for them to divorce their wives and come to them. 

As a single lady, there will be times when you have to stand your ground against becoming the reason why another woman somewhere is crying or why children’s school fees are not being paid because you have been given the money to make your hair or to shop for nice clothes with it. This man miht be a colleague or boss at work, it might even be someone living on the same street as you or just a stranger whom you met in the bank and exchanged numbers with.

There will be times when saying no will be so easy and there will be times also when saying yes will seem like the next best thing you can do.

 These men come to single ladies for different reasons, some just because of their lust and insatiable hunger, others because they just can’t take their eyes off anything in skirt, some as a result or an ongoing challenge in their home at the moment, and some just for the fun of it. 

Yes, some people have extra marital affairs just for the fun of it and to feel among their peers.

While those men might have their various reasons for asking us out, but no reason is ever legitimate enough to go out with another man’s husband talk less of going to bed with him.

There are times when you might not know that a man is married depending on the circumstances under which you met. Such circumstances might be a man in another department in your office who just got employed and isn’t wearing a wedding band, it is almost impossible to know if such a man is married especially if he is not willing to be truthful. 

While we will trust God to reveal those circumstances to us, we can also safeguard ourselves against having an affair with a man whom we know has sworn commitment to another woman.

Things To Keep In Mind

While there are times when the situations will be beyond what you can cope with, but determining beforehand never to have a relationship with a married man before he ever comes might just be your saving grace. 

Now isn’t the time to stay on the fence or even think about the proposal a second time. It is supposed to be a big NO!

 Determination beforehand helps open your eyes to the other options you have available to you.

While it’s true that there are University lecturers who would never give good grades to their female students except first sleeping with them, but not every lady slept with that lecturer who had the record for getting girls on his bed. One thing is common for those ladies who didn’t sleep with him to have grades, their minds were already made up even before he showed up, so seeing sex as an exchange for grade was never in their vocabulary, this ultimately freed up their minds and they were able to weather the situation well with God on their side.

Catching another’s woman’s husband might not just be about sleeping with him, other times it involves engaging in an emotional affair with him. This isn’t saying you won’t have married men as friends but there should be a boundary set so you don’t cross over it. 

There are times this emotional affairs grows into full-fledged affair but they could have been nipped in the bud if only the lady involved wasn’t ready to catch the ball the man was throwing her way. 

Have a list of conversations you would never discuss with a married man, there should be a time limit attached to when you won’t chat with a married man especially one who is moving too close for comfort. If all the men in your life that you call friends are married, it might be high time you started looking out for new set of friends.

A married man has no point calling/chatting with you at some ungodly hours of the night especially if it is not life-threatening or very important official matters.

Be determined not to be the reason why another woman somewhere goes to bed in tears.

Whenever a married man is directly or indirectly hitting on me, one of the thing I do is to consistently ask after his family. This has always served as a subtle reminder for myself and the man in question that he is married and so out of a prospective suitor. 

If I know the name of the children of such man and depending on the kind of relationship I have with him, I am always quick to ask after the well being of his wife and children.

I do this well to someone I know, once we have greeted each other and talked about general things, once I start to sense that the next thing he’ll be saying is that issue, I am always quick to ask of his wife and kids. He would look at me and then laugh. I think it’s better I keep reminding him that I am not interested in buying what he is selling rather than just playing along. 

If you save a man and you aren’t a willing accomplice in the breaking of someone else’s home, his eyes will clear after a time, he will get back into his right senses and will get into terms with his wife, and you won’t be the victim who would have wasted time, emotions and body on someone who can never be yours.

The book of Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to sow and a time to reap. 

Either you believe it or not, this time as a single lady is the time to sow the kind of seeds you want to reap in your marriage. 

If the man’s excuse for wanting to date you is that his wife breast is now flat after it has served as food for his three boys who were on exclusive breast feeding for six months, and you agree to date such a man, you are only sowing a seed which you should be ready to reap when it is your turn.

Only sow the seeds that you would someday want to reap yourself.If you’re trusting God for a man who will be faithful to you regardless of your many faults, then don’t be a party to another man’s unfaithfulness. It doesn’t pay at the end of the day.

There are tremendous benefits involved in not playing the second fiddle 

You won’t be saddled with the responsibility of having to deal with the guilt that accompanies telling God sorry and sorry over again in the place of prayer and this puts will invariably put you in a place where you can be used by God.

 ·         You won’t be the victim who would have wasted time and emotions over a man who can never be hers

Being in a relationship with a married man is something that is destined to just make you waste time and emotions over something that will never be yours.

It is synonymous to just keep planting on a rocky round, no matter what you do, you can’t find any tree finding roots downwards, so also when you are wasting time and emotions on a man who is already married, it is the just a sheer waste of time and emotions.

If you decide not to waste that time and emotion on someone who will never be yours, then that’ll help you free up your time for what really matters and you’ll also be able to lavish emotions on the person who would deserve it when it is finally the time.

·         You’ll have a friend for life

Just consider a man who due to the things he is going through at home decides to ask you out. You give him a no and then helps him get a grip of his emotions while not bridging boundaries, when such a man finally gets a grip on whatever was the marital challenge he was struggling with, you’ll have got a family friend for life.

Playing a second fiddle isn’t what God wants for us single ladies, and until the right man comes, we won’t be among those scattering the homes of our sisters who are married.

While there are some men who would never stay faithful to their wives, make sure you aren't the one who is the second woman in the picture.

And just so you know, not every married man who is being nice to you wants something in return, some are God-sent to you. Be discerning.

We're a year older!!!

I'm a twin so my birthdays are not just my own birthdays, they are our birthdays, and the picture you have over there is that of my lovely twin sister.

Earlier this year, this book was studied in one of the groups I belong to, and I learnt a lot from it, so I'll be sharing part of what I learnt.

It is a book for women at least that's the deduction you make once you see the topic; Girls With Swords, but it is a book that men also can read and get blessed.

There are various swords the author talked about which Christians of today can use which includes;

When I first started reading the chapter, I thought it was just one of those chapters on keeping quiet in the face of heated argument but reading it proved that it was way beyond that.

Silence is a sword unseen because it is a word unspoken and an action untaken.

Sword of silence is one of the very important swords that we must use as people on this side of eternity if we ever want to amount to anything for God and his kingdom and if we want to remain victorious in this battle against the enemy of our souls. There are so many times when we speak out of turn or just literally put our foot in our mouth. We fight for ourselves with the words of our mouth oftentimes leaving God out of the situation.

One of the places in the scriptures where this sword of silence was used in battle was during the period when the children of Israel wanted to take over the land of Jericho. By the time they were to pass through that land, it was recorded that the Lord demanded through the mouth of Joshua that they march around the walls of that land in total silence except for the sound from trumpets for six days. 

That would have been a very difficult thing to do for the children of Israel, they would have expected that the lord would just have them take that land with their sword and men of war but God had different plans, he demanded that they stay quiet for six days just rising up in the morning, move round the land in total silence and them go back to their camp. And on the seven day, they were demanded to shout and then the whole massive wall came trembling before them. Silence is a kind of weapon most of us haven’t really harnessed.

A paragraph from the book

Silence can mean many things. It can mean you truly have no answer to the question, accusation, or assault. Sometimes things come at us that we literally do not understand and, therefore, do not know how to respond to it. Silence can also mean you have a response but have chosen not to give it voice. If the sword is not drawn, it would be because something has stilled our hands. I am not talking about being arrested by fear but about God whispering ‘leave this one to me.’ Remaining still often requires more strength than striking.

We all face several situations at various times of our life where we have to make the decision of either opening our mouth to talk or just keeping quiet. Keeping quiet is something we must all learn to do. Not every word demands our epic comeback, there are some times when silence is what is needed.

Most times, we are the one who don’t allow the lord fight for us by just disrupting the whole plan by choosing to open our mouth. Staying silent even when we have several things we could have said is what really matters. 

The sword of silence is so important that even the son of God while he was on this side of eternity used it. When he was before the people who were to judge him, it was recorded that Christ kept quiet, ah, my Lord kept quiet, someone who could have called ten thousand angels to come to his rescue kept quiet and committed his life into the hands of Him who was indeed able to keep him.

Matthew 26:62-63, NLT

Then the high priest stood up and said to Jesus, “well, aren’t you going to answer these charges? What do you have to say for yourself?” but Jesus remained silent.

The bible says a fool when he keeps quite is considered wise.

The bible further says that the tongue although small makes boast of big things.

The psalmist prayed that God would put a latch on his mind.

Just imagine God putting a lock on your mouth?

We can choose to keep quiet and then watch God rise up and defend us in ways we couldn’t have even defended ourselves. Will it be easy keeping quiet especially when we have one thousand and one response we can give?

Of course not!

The sword of silence is not a readily used sword because most people think it’s not effective, they use the sword of forgiveness well, they use the sword of songs well too, but  because the sword of silence seems not to have an immediate effect, we tend of neglect its use. 

When we choose to keep quiet, God is committed to working behind the scenes and by the time we see the result of what He can do for us, we’ll be dazed.

Do you have a seemingly difficult colleague who seems not to have a latch on her tongue and you’re already thinking of how best you’ll give her a response so she knows you’re not as dumb as you appear, that would seem right but are you really interested in fighting that battle? Use the sword of silence, rather than replying such a person, just keep quiet.

Is wielding the sword of silence the same as allowing people ride a roughshod over us?

No, not at all

It does mean that sometimes at least most often than not, they will be times we just have to let go and let God.

It won’t be easy but it will definitely be worth it.

On a flip side, using the sword of silence isn’t same as deliberately watching evil prevail while we watch and do nothing about it. It is in choosing our battles and fighting accordingly.

Do well to get a copy of the book, you'll be glad you did.

Have you read this book? Please share some lessons you learnt from it with us.