by - January 23, 2020

There was a time I battled with unforgiveness, which prior to that time I had told others about forgiveness, taught how God wanted us His children to forgive people who err against us, how it was good for our mental health and so on and then I was dropped right in the, middle of a serious misunderstanding between my friend and I which led to me being deeply hurt.

I remember crying on some days, and not been able to eat well on other days because of the burden in my heart and coupled with the fact that the person who wronged me was someone I saw almost on a daily basis didn’t make the matter any better for me at all.

That phase of my life helped me learn some vital lessons, permit me to share some with you.

         1.       Accept That You Had Been Hurt

The mistake we often make is to live in the denial of what is going on, and while this is not telling us to only live our life by sight alone neglecting faith, but there are times when we just have to accept a fact.

Being hurt is just like being burnt with an iron on the hand, if I decide to live in denial that I never burnt myself on the hand, I wouldn’t give the hand the attention it needs and I would not see any reason why I should get it treated either, and this can cause a lot of damage to my hand than I ever intended. This also applies to the acceptance that something wrong happened.

It is almost impossible to forgive when you don’t acknowledge the hurt, I know it’s quite easy to just keep sweeping everything under the carpet and putting up a demeanor that shows that nothing is wrong, but the challenge with this way is that by the time it will bring forth fruit, you’ll realize bitterness has had a root in your heart against that person or those people involved.

          2.               Talk to God About It

This stage looks so easy on paper but it is quite difficult to do.

It becomes even more difficult if the person who hurt you is a Christian too, it takes a lot of grace to be finally able to tell God how much you hurt and how he can help soothe the ache in your heart.
The enemy most times want you to see how Christianity is just so not worth it, at least if a fellow Christian can hurt you in this way, then the whole Christianity thing is a scam. But that is just a lie of the devil, that a Christian hurt you does not mean that is how God is too, it doesn’t validate the fact that God is not to be trusted. It is just like saying a certain child of a family wrongs you and then you conclude that every member of that family is nothing to write home about.

If it were so, so those who had a disagreement with you too should just think that there is nothing good about your family too, and I’m sure you would not want that. The reason why a member God’s family did something to wrong you does not mean he is a bastard; it might just be one of those times he didn’t yield to the Sprit’s cautioning and yielded to the flesh.

Don’t allow the devil take you away from God or from other members of his family because of the wrongdoing of one person.

         3.      Differentiate The Offence From The Offender

T    This is a phase we often times don't consider.

Sumbo your best friend of twenty-three hurts you in a very deep way, you see no reason why you should continue been friends with her and decide to call it quit while throwing twenty-three years of friendship away. If only you can sit down and consider the offence things in the right light, you'll discover that although what she did to you was wrong, but you have taken things a little out of proportion.

I    It's accepted that she wronged you, but that doesn't mean she has no good in her anymore. Differentiating the offence from the offender will help in no small way to put things in their right perceptive and help you see things in a better light.

         4.        Talk To A Trusted Person About It

During the time I was battling with unforgiveness, I talked to some people about it.

I realized I was in a situation where I couldn’t help myself and so I needed to be borne on the wings of others. I discovered that trying to keep it to myself was just going to help me keep seeing how much they hurt me and how I was never going to forgive, at least not on this side of eternity (who says I am going to get to heaven with unforgiveness lurking in my heart?)

It was a situation that really shook me to my core, but once I was finally able to get it out of my chest by telling some trusted people, it was the beginning of my healing process.

A note of caution: Make sure the people you’ll be talking to are those you trust who wouldn’t make your personal life the next gist in town, and who will be able to advice you in the right way.

     5.            Ask God For Grace And Decide To Let Go

      Some offences are more easier to forgive than others, but with how great the offence is, we are still obligated to still forgive.

After doing all that you need to do, the ultimate decision to let go still remains with you, you can decide to hold on to the hurt and let it escalate to the point of hatred and bitterness, or you can choose to let it go from your heart.

Forgiveness isn’t something you do for others, but it is something you do first for yourself.

Unforgiveness has the capacity to keep one stuck in a particular position without any significant proof because the energy that ought to be used doing other things is being used trapping oneself in the cage while you’re thinking you have the other person trapped.

Ask God for the grace you need to be able to forgive them from your heart, and then watch how God will uproot that seed of discord from within you.

Some Scriptures You Can Mediate On

Colossians 3:13
Be tolerant of one another and forgive each other if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, you also should forgive.

 Matthew 18:21-22 
Then Peter came to Jesus and said, “Lord, how many times may my brother sin against me and I forgive him, up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I tell you, not seven times but seventy times seven!

Mark 11:25 
And when you stand and pray, forgive anything you may have against anyone, so that your Father in heaven will forgive the wrongs you have done.”

Ephesians 4:26-2
Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set while you are still angry, and do not give the Devil an opportunity to work.

Matthew 6:14-15 
For if you forgive others their sins, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you your sins.

1 John 4:20-21 
If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

And one thing you should bear in mind, never assume anything, talk it out with the person first!

Forgiveness isn't easy, but when you finally let go, it will be worth it.

Did you ever had any battle with unforgiveness, please share how you were able to overcome it, I look forward to reading your comments.

You May Also Like