by - November 21, 2019

I have attended a number of weddings in this lifetime of mine.

I have always looked at the bride and groom of the day exchanging words that I think are quite heavy. I am sure I am not the only one who thinks that the words the intending couples say to each other are quite strong. Especially when they get to that point of in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, to love and to hold till death do us part.

Oh My!

Those words are quite heavy!

Although I am not married yet, but what you are about to read is not just what a single lady somewhere is writing, but consider it as God’s words to you.

In this part of the world, it’s so easy to see people who have never had a time in their life when they were single, not just as a particular line to be filled in forms but as who they really are.

It’s quite interesting to see people both male and female who have never being really out of a relationship all their life or at least since they became concious of what goes on between a man and a woman,  it has always been the cycle of moving from one relationship to another, for some before they come out of a relationship they already have other prospectives lined up.

There are some circumstances responsible for driving some ladies/men into seeking validation from the opposite sex all of the time.

For some, it is a result of the hatred they have experienced in their home while growing up, where the parents are always shouting and seeking fault with the things they do. 

There is a part of everyone that wants to be cared for and loved, and as parents who are the first set of people the child comes in contact with, it is only expected that they do their best in proving to the child that he is loved and not just when he/she does the right thing but even when he makes mistakes.

This search for love and validation has led so many ladies/guys into the wrong hands all because they were looking for love, they have done things they wouldn’t have done. Some have stayed in abusive relationship only because the guy was the only person who showed them an iota of love.

The men deal with theirs by going into drugs or just doing the exact opposite of what their parent wants, and then at some point when they finally get into a relationship with another lady looking for love, both of them do not understand what love really is and thereby keep hurting themselves, the guy would be demanding love from the lady who does not the capacity to love, and the lady too will be demanding love from a guy who does not the capacity to love too, because he didn’t grow up to see people display love to themselves and the cycle continues.

These two people in a relationship will just be two half people wanting to equal one in marriage, but that is not what God intended it to be, marriage was supposed to involve two whole people becoming one.

The equation is supposed to look like this

1 + 1 = 1

And not

½ + ½ = 1

Let’s talk about The dangers of getting married when you are not whole


    You begin to look to the partner for things you should get from God.

When you are whole before marriage, which means you are full entity, the partner will only be coming to compliment you. You will also be able to understand that as much as your partner loves you, they are at their best human and so has the limit they can do for you. You’ll be able to draw the limit between what they can do and what only God can do.

Your spouse loving you is going to be an additional or a physical manifestation of how much God loves and you’ll be able to understand that although this other person loves you, there is a limit they can go so you wouldn’t be bugging them for the things only God can give.

Speaking of things only God can give, I remember the case of Rachel and Jacob when they were trusting God for the fruit of the womb, I believe Rachel got tired of the whole waiting phase and out of that frustration cried out to her husband to give her a child or she’ll die. The response of her husband is so great, he replied her

‘ Am I in the place of God who has kept you from having children” Gen 30:1-2

That response of Jacob to a Rachel  was able to let Rachel and by extension believers of today see that, there are still some things only God can give which is not just exclusive to children.

Thank God Jacob was able to take their case to God who blessed with children in good time.


 You won’t understand the dynamics of who you are

This point is so important.

 There are some things you’ll know about yourself when you are in the company of others, but there are also great things you might not know if you don’t create out time to be on your own. 

Moving from one relationship to another might not be the best option for you, after that last breakup the next thing you need isn’t a relationship with another man/woman, but a relationship with yourself. It isn’t every time that you must have a man to take you out or have a woman to take out, take yourself out. Since you’ll be with yourself the most of the time, even when you get married, you won’t always be with your spouse the  most of the time, learn to enjoy your own company.

  You won’t by extension be able to raise children who are whole

It has been said that children comes with a clean slate and most of the time, the only thing they learn as they grow up are the thing see other people do, and  since they will be with their parents most of the time especially in their formative years, it is only expected that they also begin to pick up one or two traits from them.

When the children sees their mother/father always going out, not being able to create out time to spend alone and always clingy to the other spouse ( not the kind that comes out of love, but one that comes purely based on the ‘without you I am nothing, without you I can’t survive place), they will also consciously or subconsciously begin to become like that, they begin to do anything just to feel among and feel loved and could even get themselves hurt when they start looking for love in the wrong place.

The dangers attached to not being whole is so great, and that is why singles must make sure they are people who understand who they are before joining another on this life journey.


-         *Have a relationship with God.

This is one person who will always love you and wants the best

-        * Cultivate solid friendships

It is not every man/woman you come in contact with that you must go into a relationship with. Enjoy the companionship of others without any strings attached.

-        * Deal with anything from  the past

Your time as a single person sould be spent dealing with any trace of things you don’t want reflecting in your future. 

You might probably have seen your parents fight themselves and you are beginning to also detect a kind of hatred in your heart for men too, deal with it first before a relationship comes your way. I’m sure you don’t want to chase whom God is bringing into your life.

If only we have more whole people coming into this sacred institution called marriage, I'm sure the rate of divorce and other vices that stems from separated homes would definitely be on the decrease. 

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