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Abimbola Writes







I remember while I was in the University, after the end of every semester exams, my friends and I will begin to rant that we were not going to read anything again, neither billboards, magazines nor anything that is in print, that mouth making didn't usually last for long because few months after that, a new semester would commence and we would be required to start reading all over again either we loved it or not.

While school books are very important especially if you are in that phase of your life, but there are other questions life would ask that wouldn't be found in the pages of a microbiology or accounting text book, and hence the need to seek knowledge from the words that other people have written down.

Most people want to become committed to their personal development and with the wave going around now, where almost everyone is a 'reader' most people wish they can read too.

While reading comes naturally to some of us, to others, it doesn't come that easy and that is why some having done different things to become committed to reading and failed are quick to conclude that they are not readers.

I understand how it can be when you really want to read, but you can't seem to.

Let me share five tips that can help you fully explore this way of becoming better.

1. RECOGNIZE YOUR WHY

For a person who does not like reading, you need to have a strong reason as to why you should start reading and become committed to it.

There are many books that have been written on various aspects of life, from family life to finance, from fiction to courtship, from effective ways to train one's children to just every other subject one can think of.

The earlier we can begin to have our eyes enlightened through them, the better for us.

So Why Do You Want To Start Reading?

Is it to have more knowledge about a subject matter, or do you want to be able to make boast to others that this is the number of books you have read over a particular time, or you just want to read to get into another person's world?

Whatever your reason may be, just make sure you have a reason for starting to read.

2. READ BOOKS THAT TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT

If you are just starting out, you might want to read books centered on the things you really love, because doing the opposite especially as a person who is yet to successfully master the art of reading might further discourage you totally. Reading books centered on various themes might not be helpful and might just lead to the feeling of failure or defeat and this can result to a dislike for books generally.

For example, some can't successfully read to completion a book that is centered on relationships but when a book is centered on finance and business, they can't seem to put it down, and there are others who can never seem to put down biographies of great men of God but who can never successfully read a book on business to completion.

Find out what works for you and navigate from there, and as the months goes by you might find yourself reading books you were not very passionate about at the beginning.

Identify what God will have you learn about in a particular season of your life, and keep reading books along that subject.

3. START SMALL AND GROW

The major mistake most people who are just starting out in reading make is that they hear some things about the importance of reading books, gets all geared up and start resolving to begin to read, and they start with books with many pages.

It's quite funny that someone who has never successfully read a 120 page book in a month now proposing to read a 200 page book per week due to probably a video clip he listened to.

Such person is likely to quit after a while.

Are you just starting out, then start small with books of about fifty to hundred pages before you begin to read books of bigger volume. You are likely to enjoy the process that way.

4. READ EVERYTIME AND EVERYWHERE

My love for reading started while I was much younger, those days of reading novels in the class, restroom and just anywhere! And although I have evolved from reading just novels, this remains one of the methods I employ for my reading.

If you're just starting out, make sure you have a book with you everywhere you go, thank God for this era of both e-books as well as hardcopy.

Having a book at every point in time is a great way of being committed to reading because it can come in handy when you are in the traffic or waiting for an appointment or just when you have time in your hands with nothing to do.

You can read in the waiting room of an office, as well as a moving bus (depending on your level of concentration), or even when using the ladies or gents (I do this a lot).

Just keep reading.

5. HAVE A READING GOAL

Just as we set goals for other areas of our lives, this aspect of personal development shouldn't suffer too.

Every month, have a number of books you would want to read to completion, it might be a book or two or three, just make sure you have a goal.

The chapters of books in the book you'll be reading for a week or month can be spread out throughout the amount of time you have assigned, and be determined to stick to it.

Having a goal will help you effectively track your progress, and although you might fall short of your reading goal once in a while, don't stop, shake off the dust and continue.



6. HAVE AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER

A reading accountability partner is someone who is under obligation to always remind you to read and whom you will be sincere with if you fall short of your goals.

It even becomes more interesting when you both set aside a day towards the ending of the month to review a book which might be a book you both decided to read or different books. The goal of this is to make you more  committed to reading than you would be if left on your own.

Your accountability partner  does not necessarily have to be someone who is an avid reader although this would definitely help you, but he/she must be someone who is willing to become committed to reading too. So look within your circle and pick anyone who might be able to help in this area.

Having a reading accountability partner in itself won't help you unless you are willing to get committed to reading yourself.

A new year is almost upon us, you can make becoming more committed to reading one of the things you will start doing differently from now going forward.

Remember, you're not in a competition with anybody, the only person you are striving to become better than is the person you were yesterday, so enjoy the ride.

November 28, 2019 2 comments



I have attended a number of weddings in this lifetime of mine.

I have always looked at the bride and groom of the day exchanging words that I think are quite heavy. I am sure I am not the only one who thinks that the words the intending couples say to each other are quite strong. Especially when they get to that point of in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, to love and to hold till death do us part.

Oh My!

Those words are quite heavy!

Although I am not married yet, but what you are about to read is not just what a single lady somewhere is writing, but consider it as God’s words to you.

In this part of the world, it’s so easy to see people who have never had a time in their life when they were single, not just as a particular line to be filled in forms but as who they really are.

It’s quite interesting to see people both male and female who have never being really out of a relationship all their life or at least since they became concious of what goes on between a man and a woman,  it has always been the cycle of moving from one relationship to another, for some before they come out of a relationship they already have other prospectives lined up.

There are some circumstances responsible for driving some ladies/men into seeking validation from the opposite sex all of the time.

For some, it is a result of the hatred they have experienced in their home while growing up, where the parents are always shouting and seeking fault with the things they do. 

There is a part of everyone that wants to be cared for and loved, and as parents who are the first set of people the child comes in contact with, it is only expected that they do their best in proving to the child that he is loved and not just when he/she does the right thing but even when he makes mistakes.

This search for love and validation has led so many ladies/guys into the wrong hands all because they were looking for love, they have done things they wouldn’t have done. Some have stayed in abusive relationship only because the guy was the only person who showed them an iota of love.

The men deal with theirs by going into drugs or just doing the exact opposite of what their parent wants, and then at some point when they finally get into a relationship with another lady looking for love, both of them do not understand what love really is and thereby keep hurting themselves, the guy would be demanding love from the lady who does not the capacity to love, and the lady too will be demanding love from a guy who does not the capacity to love too, because he didn’t grow up to see people display love to themselves and the cycle continues.

These two people in a relationship will just be two half people wanting to equal one in marriage, but that is not what God intended it to be, marriage was supposed to involve two whole people becoming one.

The equation is supposed to look like this

1 + 1 = 1

And not

½ + ½ = 1

Let’s talk about The dangers of getting married when you are not whole

   1.

    You begin to look to the partner for things you should get from God.

When you are whole before marriage, which means you are full entity, the partner will only be coming to compliment you. You will also be able to understand that as much as your partner loves you, they are at their best human and so has the limit they can do for you. You’ll be able to draw the limit between what they can do and what only God can do.

Your spouse loving you is going to be an additional or a physical manifestation of how much God loves and you’ll be able to understand that although this other person loves you, there is a limit they can go so you wouldn’t be bugging them for the things only God can give.

Speaking of things only God can give, I remember the case of Rachel and Jacob when they were trusting God for the fruit of the womb, I believe Rachel got tired of the whole waiting phase and out of that frustration cried out to her husband to give her a child or she’ll die. The response of her husband is so great, he replied her

‘ Am I in the place of God who has kept you from having children” Gen 30:1-2

That response of Jacob to a Rachel  was able to let Rachel and by extension believers of today see that, there are still some things only God can give which is not just exclusive to children.

Thank God Jacob was able to take their case to God who blessed with children in good time.

    2.

 You won’t understand the dynamics of who you are

This point is so important.

 There are some things you’ll know about yourself when you are in the company of others, but there are also great things you might not know if you don’t create out time to be on your own. 

Moving from one relationship to another might not be the best option for you, after that last breakup the next thing you need isn’t a relationship with another man/woman, but a relationship with yourself. It isn’t every time that you must have a man to take you out or have a woman to take out, take yourself out. Since you’ll be with yourself the most of the time, even when you get married, you won’t always be with your spouse the  most of the time, learn to enjoy your own company.

    3.
  You won’t by extension be able to raise children who are whole

It has been said that children comes with a clean slate and most of the time, the only thing they learn as they grow up are the thing see other people do, and  since they will be with their parents most of the time especially in their formative years, it is only expected that they also begin to pick up one or two traits from them.


When the children sees their mother/father always going out, not being able to create out time to spend alone and always clingy to the other spouse ( not the kind that comes out of love, but one that comes purely based on the ‘without you I am nothing, without you I can’t survive place), they will also consciously or subconsciously begin to become like that, they begin to do anything just to feel among and feel loved and could even get themselves hurt when they start looking for love in the wrong place.

The dangers attached to not being whole is so great, and that is why singles must make sure they are people who understand who they are before joining another on this life journey.

HOW DO YOU BECOME WHOLE BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE COMES INTO YOUR LIFE

-         *Have a relationship with God.

This is one person who will always love you and wants the best

-        * Cultivate solid friendships

It is not every man/woman you come in contact with that you must go into a relationship with. Enjoy the companionship of others without any strings attached.

-        * Deal with anything from  the past

Your time as a single person sould be spent dealing with any trace of things you don’t want reflecting in your future. 

You might probably have seen your parents fight themselves and you are beginning to also detect a kind of hatred in your heart for men too, deal with it first before a relationship comes your way. I’m sure you don’t want to chase whom God is bringing into your life.

If only we have more whole people coming into this sacred institution called marriage, I'm sure the rate of divorce and other vices that stems from separated homes would definitely be on the decrease. 


November 21, 2019 No comments

If we will be sincere, it's hard to rejoice with others who seems to have received what we are still trusting God for especially when they are those within our close circle and not just someone on social media or in the neighborhood.

There are times when until we fully enter into that rest; where there is no envy, no strife, no rancor, we might not have those things we are asking for, bearing in mind that it's not only about those things but the character molded in us as we wait.

Most times our default to always grab everything we can grab for ourselves because it might not go round, but that is not true. There is enough to go round!

Let me share a personal experience which didn't just happen between myself and a friend but it happened within my biological family.

I just came back from service (NYSC) last year, so I was believing God for a job. Unlike people like me who were only sleeping, waking up, reading, attending seminars, writing and eating during my pre-NYSC year, my sister wanted to work so she started making some calls to some people, one of them gave her a link to submit her CV, she told me and we both submitted. Few days later on our way home from church, her friend called that a confirmatory mail has been sent to the candidates who had been shortlisted for the interview.

My sister got the mail.

I didn't.

Something changed deeply within me that night when I heard the news, I was not bitter, neither did I envy her, when I checked the very core of who I am, I realized I was genuinely happy for this lady who had received what I was still trusting God for.

I must have been cleared for the next level that night.

Few weeks after that, God came through for me too...

That people are buying  car every week does not mean yours won't come, that they are getting married every other weekend does not mean you won't find your man/lady, and that friends are giving birth all around doesn't mean they have given birth to your child.

In this kingdom, there is enough to go round.

So rather than getting bitter over what God is doing in the life of  your friend, be genuinely happy for them while believing that what God can do for one of us, he can do for all.
I know there are times when it seems your friends have life good smoothly while yours is as though your life is going five steps forward and fifty steps backwards, choose to be happy for them, tell God to help you rejoice with them and make your heart right.

I read online some weeks ago about a certain man whose family upstairs his flat just bought a new car, he was asked how he felt. He said 'I feel happy God is in our compound, when he is through upstairs he will come downstairs.

That is the statement of a man whose heart is right.

Some Things You Can Do While Waiting For Your Big Miracle

1. Sincerely rejoice with them

I know how hard it is to rejoice when other people are rejoicing for blessings you are still yet to receive.
You are still waiting to get married, and one of those in your close circle is getting married, rather than sitting at home and throwing questions at God on why it's not you getting married with how beautiful you are and all, go there, be useful to them, support them financially as much as you can.
Your friend got a great job while you're still stuck with a job that can't pay your bills or worse you're still job hunting, rather than getting depressed, rejoice with them, ask them about their jobs and what it entails, don't stop caring about them.

Be as excited as you would be if it was you who got the job or is getting married, carry the joy on your head literally and then watch God come through for you too.

2. Don't allow bitterness in your heart against them and God

After praying and praying and it seems God is interested in answering the prayers of your friends and not yours, it's so easy to begin to harbor bitterness towards them or worse getting angry at God himself.

You are still trying to conceive after three years of marriage and another friend seems to be getting pregnant almost every two years or you are still trying to get admitted into the University four years after secondary school, and another friend is already writing his project in the University, the temptation to become bitter against becomes so real, but you do not have to allow that in your heart.

Rather than getting bitter against them

-Be happy for them
-Pray for them
- Keep declaring God's promises over your own life too

3. Learn your lessons

Nothing happens to us by chance and as children of the Father, just as it is in the physical when we attend classes and also write our exams, so is it in the spiritual too.

Whatever comes on our path, there is always something there for us to learn, so rather than asking God why it must be you experiencing that delay, thank God for it and be prepared to learn the lessons God will have you learn at that point in time because life is in phases and that phase will also pass.

Some lessons you might learn in your waiting season includes

-How to be patient
-It'll make you to be able to reckon with others who will go through similar situations in years to come
-How to accommodate people's mistakes
- If you allow God, great character will be molded in you
- How to deeply trust God


While there will always be people who still have things you're trusting God for, be it a bigger house, a better paying job, a lovely family, a child of your own, a partner to call yours, but, while you're still trusting God for those things, don't allow what you don't have rob you of being appreciative of the many things you have now.

Ever gone through similar situations when it seem everyone was receiving their blessings except you? Please share with us in the comment section.



November 14, 2019 No comments





Lagos traffic in so legendary, there are even people who have never visited or lived in Lagos who knows how terrible Lagos traffic is.

It's so easy to think that Lagos traffic is overrated especially When you have never had to visit the state, but take it from me, there are worse cases than you have ever heard.

The company I work with is quite a distant from home and due to the bad roads caused by the rain, traffic has become the order of the day for some time. There are days I leave home early in a bid to get to work on time, only for me to get to place where there is a total lock down. At such times, you won’t even know who to get annoyed with, you move from getting annoyed with yourself, to getting annoyed with the road and every other thing in between.  

If you live in a place like Lagos here in Nigeria, you would know that there are a lot of things that must be put in place if indeed we really want to grow and stay sane without titling towards depression.

I remember few weeks back when most of the road of Lagos were so bad before the governor declared state of emergency, I realized I was beginning to get sad which was mainly as a result of the traffic and the precious I was wasting sitting down and watching which lane was moving, most people at work knows me as a smiling person, but due to Lagos traffic, I realized I was beginning to loose my smile and was always frowning.

That was when I put in some measures to make sure that I don’t losse my smile again.

Let me share some of the measures I put in place with you

     1.  START DOING YOUR DEVOTION  IN THE BUS

   On your way to work rather than wondering when the traffic will ease up, you can start having your devotion in the bus, either you are in a staff bus or you are in a public transport, this is something you can start doing. And if you’re driving yourself to work, you can play your audio bible or a sermon just to help you commune with God.

   My family has a devotion every morning, and after the family devotion I try to create out time to commune with God personally too, I used to do my devotion when I get to work every morning before the start of work, but with the increase in the time I spent sitting in the bus, I had to begin to devise another means knowing full well that if I don’t invest my time in the bus well, I will not have time to do that in the early hours once I get to work. After setting down in the bus, I'll plug in the earpiece into my ears to minimize the noise coming from the moving bus and start reading my devotional for that day while praying under my breath.

   If you have done your devotion much earlier in the day, you can decide to use some time for meditation.

         2.   WRITE YOUR TO DO LIST FOR THE DAY.


Daily to-do list is an itemized list that helps you keep track of your day, it is a list of the things you want to accomplish for the day, it does not take more than five minutes to write on the average and it can really make you feel good about yourself because you can start doing some of them while still stuck in the traffic.


 This is something before traffic came  that I was always doing in the early hours when I got to work, but due to traffic, I realized that there was little or no time for me to get settled and begin to write that, so while in the bus to work and l praying for the traffic to ease up, I write my list.

Writing my to-do list in the bus has helped me in no small way because by so doing, I would able to strategise for the day and not just wonder where all the hours went to by nightfall.

              3.   LISTEN TO SONGS

There is a great feeling about songs that just help calm the nerves and put things in the right perspective. Rather than boiling in anger about the traffic, you can listen to songs from great  artistes either stored on your phone or from YouTube.

 I’ll soon  be sharing a list of my favorite songs to add to your play list, watch out for this post .

While waiting for the traffic to get cleared up, you can use that time to listen to songs. There are days when I leave just one song on repeat, and there are other days I listen to several songs. Songs sure have a way of calming me down.

         4. REVIEW YOUR DAY

You can use the traffic time to review your day on your way back from work/school.

Did you achieve the things you said you would do in your to-do list which you wrote on your way out?

Are there still other things you can still achieve while you’re on your way home?

You’ll realize that doing this will really help calm you down.

On my way home rather than complain and be in a sour mood about what lane is moving and what lane is not moving, I use that time to review my day, I check the to-do list I wrote in the morning and the things I have been able to achieve so far, and I still use the traffic time to cross out other things that I can do while sitting in the bus.


           5.  READ A BOOK


Some people excuse for not developing themselves mentally is the fact that they don't have the luxury of time, while that might be true, but the time spent in traffic can be channeled into doing that .

Reading a book is such a good use of traffic time, you can use the time to read a chapter or two of a book, most people  give the excuse that they don’t have enough time to read, but if something is very important, we create out time for it.

Have a book that you are reading for a week or a month, check out how many chapters it has, spread the chapters over a week or a month, and have a goal for how many chapters you want to read per day.

For now, traffic is a thing that has come to stay in Lagos at least on some routes,  but the way we use that amount of time spent in it can add value to our lives.

Do you have other things you do in traffic, I look forward to reading your comments.
November 07, 2019 No comments
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I'm Abimbola and I welcome you to my online oasis.

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