Virginity might not really be a big deal to some people, but for
some, it means the world to them, and they can’t imagine having a spouse who won’t
be able to give them that as a wedding gift.
The kind of upbringing some brothers have already conditioned them
to thinking about what their weeding night would look like, with he and his
bride being virgins.
Let’s talk about Timothy and Lola
Timothy was brought up in a Christian family, he sees the way his
father still takes pride in being the one to deflower his mum after thirty-five
years of marriage and three children. He unconsciously begins to see himself
years from now also sitting with his children and telling them about how he and
their mother had kept themselves, and how he had been the first man to have
canal knowledge of their mom.
He felt led to propose to a Lola who is a sister he met on a trip
to Eygpt during a cell program, and after due diligence on the part of the
sister, she gave her consent. The day she said yes was his most happiest day on
earth, he felt on top of the world to be engaged to such a great lady, until that
fateful day five months into the relationship , when Lola break the news the that
she is not a virgin after seeing the way he talks about virgins and virgin
bride, he thought his whole world was going to crumble.
He sits down in his office and keeps staring into space while
seeing nothing but his mind mapping out different scenes of several men
sleeping with his fiancée although she didn’t give him the details. He is at
cross roads not knowing if he should continue with the relationship or just
break it out rightly, the more he prays about the case, the more light he sees
on that path but he can’t imagine getting married to a woman he won’t be able
to brag about being the first man to sleep with her.
Dear brother who is engaged to a lady who is not a virgin,
I understand that you must be
feeling as though God has cheated you by not giving you an untouched lady, especially if getting married to a virgin had been
something you have always looked forward to, you get annoyed sometimes that you’ll
be getting married to a lady who you will not have the luxury of saying you
were the one who broke her hymen.
I was raised up among people
who hold virginity in a high esteem and who would never listen to the stories
of other ladies who are not virgins regardless of what the circumstances surrounding
it might have been. As I began to move through
life, I have met people who are not virgins not because they didn't like it but
because of situations beyond them.
Recently, I attended a program
recently somewhere on the island and heard a forty -one year old woman talk to
us about her journey and how she had been molested by her uncle several times
at age eleven. That was the first time I was going to ask God for forgiveness
for the several times I had looked at non-virgins and had thought they were
second class citizens.
While there are ladies who
walked into having sex with their eyes opened, there are still some ladies
whose present status they themselves had no say over. Or what do you say about
a three year old girl whose neighbor molested her and that young age; she has lost
her virginity even before knowing what it meant.
And even if your fiancée had sex as an adult who knew what she was
doing and the repercussions, in as much as she is now in Christ, she is no
longer her mistake. There is no denying of the fact that she has slept with
someone, but now she is no longer that lady who used to spread her legs to guys
anymore, she has been translated, she is new.
Yes, you have been keeping
yourself and have high hopes that your partner too will follow suit, but her
not being a virgin especially now that it is her past or circumstances she had
no control over, should not be held against her.
Her not being a virgin does not
affect her ability to be a good wife to you and a great mother to the children
you will both have. There is still a life after you sleep with her for the
first time, think about that. Don’t lose a priceless jewel because it came in a
container you didn’t like, don't say no, don't run out of that ship on this basis.
She is by no means less to her fellow sister with an unbroken
hymen, one thing is common in both, their Lord is Christ. Rather than being
annoyed over the fact that God cheated you by not giving you a woman who has
kept herself especially as a reward for all the years you have kept yourself,
thank God for the gift he gave you.
The same God of Virgin Mary is
the same God of Rahab the prostitute, and once your fiancee has come to God,
see her through the lens of Christ, choose to see her as God sees her, although
it might be difficult at first especially if you have other female friends who
are virgins and you wonder what it might be to be the first one to sleep with a
woman, you’ll get over it when you dwell on her many other strength.
You might need to ask yourself these questions
Does she love God?
Is she committed to you?
Is she growing in her walk with
God?
Does your core value align?
Does she fit into the future
God has shown you?
Do you love her?
If you can sincerely answer
those questions in the affirmative, and you're convinced she is God's will for
your life, don't let her not being a virgin stop you.
Remember, therefore,
if anyone (woman) is in Christ, he (and in this case, she )is a
new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
That is what God
thinks about her, ask him for help too to be able to see beyond the messed up
lady to a gift given to you by God.
