Abimbola Writes: 2019

December 19, 2019 3 comments

To start with, I sincerely think this is a book every lady either single or married must read, it isn't just another book filled with dos and don’ts but it is a very great book filled with situations we all can relate with and real-life stories of people who had gone through one situation or the other. It was a book I choose for my reading partner and I and it’s quite interesting how I was able to finish the over 150 paged books within 10 days.

The book is that great!

Lady in waiting was centered on the story of the lifestyle of Ruth, one of the five women who by grace were mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus, the others being Tamar, Rahab, Bathsheba and Mary (thanks to the lineage of grace by Francine Rivers who opened my eyes to this fact).

The book of Ruth started with the story of a man who left his native land alongside his wife and two sons,before long the father died. The story later progressed with the sons getting married in their new place of abode and soon enough the two sons died as well, leaving the mother of the house (Naomi) as well as the two daughters-in-law behind. After the demise of her husband and two sons, Naomi decides to leave the land and go back to her native land, her two daughters-in-law showed interest in following her back, and soon were on the way back home.

On the way, Naomi feels it’s a bad idea to have the two women follow her back home since she was too old to give birth to sons who would marry them and the probability of their betting married back in Judah was quite slim, she advices them to go back to what they were familiar with and move on with their life. After much persuasion on Naomi’s part that the two ladies to go back to their families, Orpah; one of the ladies went back home leaving Ruth who was not willing to go back home to what she was familiar with Naomi.

This story serves as a background to the book in discourse.

Let me share some of the things I learnt while reading the book with you, I also added my own meditations on some of the points that I gained from.

1. Becoming A Lady Who Loves God With Reckless Abandonment.

This should always top our goals list every year, every month, every week and every day of our life. As ladies, it isn't just about reading relationship books every moth, but when the last time you read a book that was was centered on your love for God.

Reading books with titles around Ten ways to get into his heart, Three sure ways to make him fall in love with you, Five ways to make sure he loves you more, books like these are all good, but are you also reading ways which you can show more love to your heavenly father more? If a check was made through your library, which book are we going to find in the greater percent, the one spurring you forward in your love for God or the ones telling you how you can get any man of your choice in three days?

Ruth was one woman who loved God, and although she didn't know much about Him, she was willing to leave all she was familiar with in search of Him. The statement she made about Naomi’s God being her God shows how much she wanted to know into this great God of Israel, and she definitely got what she wanted at last.

God isn't supposed to be the only one who loves us with a reckless love, we too should seek to love him with reckless abandonment.

2. Becoming A lady of diligence.

As ladies, we shouldn't be among the tale bearer or people whose life goal is just to be a busy body, but we have to be diligent. After the return of her mother-in-law and herself back to the land, she must just have very well decided to fold her hand and accept whatever come her way ,but she didn't, this young woman went to work.

In whatever our hands finds doing, let’s do it well. Are you a career lady? Then, be on top of it, get the needed certifications, register for that course. Are you an entrepreneur? Then be one with a difference, deliver the services agreed on when due, In everything you do, be a lady of diligence.

Seeth thou a man (woman) who is diligent in his work, he shall stand before kings and not mean men

3. Becoming A Lady Of Purity.

Being sexually pure ranks one of the highest challenges singles have, and for a woman who have been married before and enjoyed the privileges that marriage affords of which one of them is intimacy, I am sure there would have been nights when she would have wanted to be cuddled by just any man, but this woman was able to keep herself and remain sexually pure until the moment when she was finally settled in another marriage. As singles, our sexual boundaries shouldn't be made when we start the relationship or when you are just starting out as friends, it should have been established a long time before a man even comes into the picture.

You might have to answers this questions yourself

When is it going to be late to visit?

What are your own definitions of a secluded place?

Are you going to hug each other?

Will you for any reason sleep over at each other’s house?

Are you going to kiss him?

What is your take on sex before marriage?

Answer the questions first before he shows up, it is easier that way unlike waiting till he shows up before deciding what you’ll do.

Remember, we don’t prepare on the battle field, the preparation is done before the battle begins,

4. Becoming A Lady Of Conviction.

This chapter started with a story about a lady who had a list of the things she wanted, upon showing it to her friends they joked about her list of Mr Right and felt it was only God who could meet up to the standards she had written down. As at the time of writing the book, the lady was about getting married to a man who meets her specifications, her friends feels it’s nothing but a miracle.

A lady of conviction is one who knows that getting married to a man who isn't a Christian can never be allowed, she does not even accepts to date them because she is in the know that every date is a potential mate. She does not accept the proposal of just any man because her biological clock is ticking, but she rests in the abilities of God trusting him to give her the best.

5. Becoming A Lady Of Faith.

I love this chapter so much. It talked extensively on the need to trust God and have faith in his powers to link us up with the men he has for our life. You might be attending a church were all the men are either married or the age of your youngest brother which means that there is no suitable suitor there, it seems the probability of getting married soon is zero due to the fact that there are no suitable mates around your circle.

One of the real life stories shared was one about a lady who was eligible for marriage but with no suitable suitor yet, she volunteered to go to another country, a night before she goes, she meets this awesome guy in church but there was no way things would have progressed before she was traveling out of the country the next day. She leaves it all in God’s hands and goes on her trip. Few months after she was settled in her new place of assignment, a new construction company was awarded the contract to restructure the school, guess who was the head of the construction team? Your guess is as good as mine, the man she had met her last night in her country was there flesh and blood. That was the beginning of something beautiful and soon they were married.

Becoming a lady of faith doesn't just come by mere wishing, it comes by the things you fed your heart with. If all you read about is the ratio of boys to girls and how it becomes increasingly hard to get married after 30, that is the reality you’ll embrace. While that is the fact, it is not the truth in its entirety, our God makes all things beautiful in its time.

6. The last chapter ehn. I love a table was been constructed for the things a woman wants from a man and how those needs can be met in God. While this is not saying that you will not get married or be cuddled up in bed with the greatest expression of God’s love to you on earth on a rainy Saturday morning, but it sure will keep your heart at peace knowing that God has you in His plans and has it all figured out.

Why I want to get married	How God meets that need
I want to be loved	... I have loved you with an everlasting love ( Jer 31:3)
I want someone to hold my hand	... I will uphold you with my righteous right hand ( Isa 41:10)
I want a champion of my causes - one who is willing to fight for me	The Lord will fight for you (Exo 14:14)
I want intimacy	God is intimate with the upright (Psa 140:13)
I want someone to help me in life	There is no one like God who rides the heavens to help you ( Deut 33:26)
I want someone to meet my needs	God is meeting all my needs ( Phil l4:19)
I want to be accepted and valued	I am accepted in the beloved ( Eph 1:6)
I want to walk through life sustained and carried. I don't want the whole load of life	Even to my old age, God will sustain me,carry me, and rescue me ( Isa 46:4)

Such wonderful promises, while this does not in anyway mean your significant other would be useless with nothing to add to your already full life, but it means that God and He alone, is your sustenance and you are complete in Him with or without a man.

The book is definitely loaded and it will be a great thing if you can lay your hand on it and read this wonderful treasure and read for yourself, I'm sure you'll have a great time just like I did.

Do give me a thumps up when you finally read the book.

December 12, 2019 No comments

As a lady there is this great feeling that comes with having a beautiful face that draws comments from people, and it even goes higher when you as a person know you look good. There is usually this temptation to devote time and energy to making sure no hair is out if its place and that you’re always on fleek all of the time.

Beautiful ladies are all over the place and with the increase in skin products where you can have any desired skin type; the job has really gotten easier, and it seems the goal of every lady is to be beautiful on the outside while leaving every other aspect of life lacking. Looking good in itself is not a crime, buying skin product for your body, investing in exfoliating cream and other skin product to make the skin look better is not the challenge, but it becomes a crime when other aspect of life is left unattended to.

Recently a friend of mine celebrated his birthday, I called him to felicitate with him, at some point I asked him how he celebrated his birthday, he told me his cousin got married and that was where he spent his day. Coincidentally, I also know a lady who was getting married that same day and it happened to be that it was the same lady we were both talking about.

I didn’t know when I said 'your cousin has hit jackpot' and I sincerely meant it. While that statement is not because of the beauty of the lady or her parent’s social status, it was neck deep on the personality of the lady is herself.

There are some people that upon hearing they are getting married or they just got married, you just summarize in your heart that their spouse has hit raw gold, because knowing what you know about them, you can almost see how great the future will be with God on their side.

Now to the beautiful lady, in what ways are you allowing yourself to be groomed that when people hear you are getting married they can't help but envy that lucky man.

In what ways are you also allowing yourself to be groomed that it won't just be about what others are saying but the man himself will know he has hit jackpot.

I know the epistle according to you have to look beautiful on the outside because that is what most people see first, but with the beautiful face, what else are you adding?

It's interesting to have a beautiful face and a body figure that is great, but asides that what else will you be bringing to the table?

Just like being virgins alone as at the time of marriage is no guarantee that a marriage will be successful (this is not to water down virginity AT ALL) and because virginity alone cannot sustain a marriage does not mean we have to lose our sexual purity stand, but in addition to your beautiful face, what else should you add?

Let me share three things you can add to your beautiful face that is guaranteed to make you stand out now, and also in the future.

1. Add Virtue & Character

Being virtuous has little to do with a beautiful face and more to with the intrinsic parts of who that person is beyond the face value.

It's so disheartening to see that it’s almost as though the more beautiful a lady is, the less virtuous she tends to be, and this is due to the fact that she believes that there is nothing her beauty can't give to her and the beauty can also allow her ride roughshod on others without caring whose horse is gored.

Be virtuous, don't pretend to be virtuous, but you can start imbibing this culture into your daily life.

The Bible has given us a breakdown of a virtuous woman; check it out in Prov 31:10-31

Check the number of times when she did other things and then the times she devoted to her physical appearance. You'll be surprised it's a whopping ratio of 20:1.

This shows the importance of virtue.

Go out of your way to do things for people below your status

Help not just an eligible suitor but one who doesn't even look eligible

Be a woman of solid character.

Ever seen a beautiful woman shouting at a restaurant attendant before or a young lady insulting an elderly person in public, I'm pretty sure at the moment you wouldn't really how beautiful she is but how much she lacks character.

And like they say, character cannot be hidden for too long, just like smoke; it has its way of always coming out of its hiding place

2. Add Knowledge

Be knowledgeable, asides your beautiful face, what else do you know about?

Asides drawing of eyebrows and adding lipstick on the mouth, know what is going on.

Know what is going on in the career path you are treading, know a little about politics, know a little about investment, know a little about real estate, know a little about what it takes to buy a land and build upon it, know a little about cars, know a little about venturing into a new business, know a little about parenting, know a little about keeping a home, know a little about managing people, just keep learning.

Just a little here and a little there, before you know it, you’ll be able to hold intellectual conversation with people. Don’t just be an extremely woman with little or nothing in her brain.

I heard about a man who was married to an extremely beautiful woman, there was no doubt about the woman’s beauty at all, after a while, there was a dinner party organized by his company and he was given ticket for two. He had no challenge bringing his wife because he was sure other guys within the company were definitely going to praise him for marrying such a beautiful woman, the only challenge he knew he was going to have was when she opened her mouth to talk. He knew how shallow she was in her thinking. She was extremely beautiful on the outside but wasn’t knowledgeable on the inside.

Asides the joy it would bring to your spouse, it will help better your life in no small way too.

You don’t want to be that type of woman .Know something about everything.

3. Add the fear of God

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

It isn't enough to just have a beautiful face, but with the beautiful face, have a great passion for the Lord.

Have you ever considered how much asset your beauty is to the kingdom?

Through your beauty, you can even bring in people to the church, they'll approach you because of the beautiful face you have, they'll follow you to church for that same reason, and then the king of the kingdom will then take them for himself.

Love God, love him with a reckless abandon both in your closet and in the public. Don't be too beautiful to be associated with Him. You didn’t make yourself, He made you that beautiful.

Trust God and not your beautiful face. If you're unmarried, ask him for a man your beautiful face won't be able to give you.

The beauty itself will diminish with time, it is fleeting.

Ever seen a woman of 80 years before? I'm sure no man would want to woo her, so also, you'll become like that one day, what will be left.

What else would you be able to give your home and the world at large by the time the face is all wrinkled?

I read about a story late last year and one of the characters in that story was an old woman, she only wasn’t old but was even still serving as a spiritual pillar for her granddaughter as well as a mentor for a CEO, now that’s the kind of woman I want to be and that is what the scriptures promise us.

Psalm 92: 14

They will still bear fruit in old age; they will stay fresh and green

With your beautiful face, add Character, Knowledge and the Fear of the Lord.

December 05, 2019 No comments

November 28, 2019 2 comments

I have attended a number of weddings in this lifetime of mine.

I have always looked at the bride and groom of the day exchanging words that I think are quite heavy. I am sure I am not the only one who thinks that the words the intending couples say to each other are quite strong. Especially when they get to that point of in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, to love and to hold till death do us part.

Oh My!

Those words are quite heavy!

Although I am not married yet, but what you are about to read is not just what a single lady somewhere is writing, but consider it as God’s words to you.

In this part of the world, it’s so easy to see people who have never had a time in their life when they were single, not just as a particular line to be filled in forms but as who they really are.

It’s quite interesting to see people both male and female who have never being really out of a relationship all their life or at least since they became concious of what goes on between a man and a woman, it has always been the cycle of moving from one relationship to another, for some before they come out of a relationship they already have other prospectives lined up.

There are some circumstances responsible for driving some ladies/men into seeking validation from the opposite sex all of the time.

For some, it is a result of the hatred they have experienced in their home while growing up, where the parents are always shouting and seeking fault with the things they do.

There is a part of everyone that wants to be cared for and loved, and as parents who are the first set of people the child comes in contact with, it is only expected that they do their best in proving to the child that he is loved and not just when he/she does the right thing but even when he makes mistakes.

This search for love and validation has led so many ladies/guys into the wrong hands all because they were looking for love, they have done things they wouldn’t have done. Some have stayed in abusive relationship only because the guy was the only person who showed them an iota of love.

The men deal with theirs by going into drugs or just doing the exact opposite of what their parent wants, and then at some point when they finally get into a relationship with another lady looking for love, both of them do not understand what love really is and thereby keep hurting themselves, the guy would be demanding love from the lady who does not the capacity to love, and the lady too will be demanding love from a guy who does not the capacity to love too, because he didn’t grow up to see people display love to themselves and the cycle continues.

These two people in a relationship will just be two half people wanting to equal one in marriage, but that is not what God intended it to be, marriage was supposed to involve two whole people becoming one.

The equation is supposed to look like this

1 + 1 = 1

And not

½ + ½ = 1

Let’s talk about The dangers of getting married when you are not whole

1.

You begin to look to the partner for things you should get from God.

When you are whole before marriage, which means you are full entity, the partner will only be coming to compliment you. You will also be able to understand that as much as your partner loves you, they are at their best human and so has the limit they can do for you. You’ll be able to draw the limit between what they can do and what only God can do.

Your spouse loving you is going to be an additional or a physical manifestation of how much God loves and you’ll be able to understand that although this other person loves you, there is a limit they can go so you wouldn’t be bugging them for the things only God can give.

Speaking of things only God can give, I remember the case of Rachel and Jacob when they were trusting God for the fruit of the womb, I believe Rachel got tired of the whole waiting phase and out of that frustration cried out to her husband to give her a child or she’ll die. The response of her husband is so great, he replied her

‘ Am I in the place of God who has kept you from having children” Gen 30:1-2

That response of Jacob to a Rachel was able to let Rachel and by extension believers of today see that, there are still some things only God can give which is not just exclusive to children.

Thank God Jacob was able to take their case to God who blessed with children in good time.

2.

You won’t understand the dynamics of who you are

This point is so important.

There are some things you’ll know about yourself when you are in the company of others, but there are also great things you might not know if you don’t create out time to be on your own.

Moving from one relationship to another might not be the best option for you, after that last breakup the next thing you need isn’t a relationship with another man/woman, but a relationship with yourself. It isn’t every time that you must have a man to take you out or have a woman to take out, take yourself out. Since you’ll be with yourself the most of the time, even when you get married, you won’t always be with your spouse the most of the time, learn to enjoy your own company.

3.
You won’t by extension be able to raise children who are whole

It has been said that children comes with a clean slate and most of the time, the only thing they learn as they grow up are the thing see other people do, and since they will be with their parents most of the time especially in their formative years, it is only expected that they also begin to pick up one or two traits from them.

When the children sees their mother/father always going out, not being able to create out time to spend alone and always clingy to the other spouse ( not the kind that comes out of love, but one that comes purely based on the ‘without you I am nothing, without you I can’t survive place), they will also consciously or subconsciously begin to become like that, they begin to do anything just to feel among and feel loved and could even get themselves hurt when they start looking for love in the wrong place.

The dangers attached to not being whole is so great, and that is why singles must make sure they are people who understand who they are before joining another on this life journey.

HOW DO YOU BECOME WHOLE BEFORE SOMEONE ELSE COMES INTO YOUR LIFE

- *Have a relationship with God.

This is one person who will always love you and wants the best

- * Cultivate solid friendships

It is not every man/woman you come in contact with that you must go into a relationship with. Enjoy the companionship of others without any strings attached.

- * Deal with anything from the past

Your time as a single person sould be spent dealing with any trace of things you don’t want reflecting in your future.

You might probably have seen your parents fight themselves and you are beginning to also detect a kind of hatred in your heart for men too, deal with it first before a relationship comes your way. I’m sure you don’t want to chase whom God is bringing into your life.

If only we have more whole people coming into this sacred institution called marriage, I'm sure the rate of divorce and other vices that stems from separated homes would definitely be on the decrease.

November 21, 2019 No comments

If we will be sincere, it's hard to rejoice with others who seems to have received what we are still trusting God for especially when they are those within our close circle and not just someone on social media or in the neighborhood.

There are times when until we fully enter into that rest; where there is no envy, no strife, no rancor, we might not have those things we are asking for, bearing in mind that it's not only about those things but the character molded in us as we wait.

Most times our default to always grab everything we can grab for ourselves because it might not go round, but that is not true. There is enough to go round!

Let me share a personal experience which didn't just happen between myself and a friend but it happened within my biological family.

I just came back from service (NYSC) last year, so I was believing God for a job. Unlike people like me who were only sleeping, waking up, reading, attending seminars, writing and eating during my pre-NYSC year, my sister wanted to work so she started making some calls to some people, one of them gave her a link to submit her CV, she told me and we both submitted. Few days later on our way home from church, her friend called that a confirmatory mail has been sent to the candidates who had been shortlisted for the interview.

My sister got the mail.

I didn't.

Something changed deeply within me that night when I heard the news, I was not bitter, neither did I envy her, when I checked the very core of who I am, I realized I was genuinely happy for this lady who had received what I was still trusting God for.

I must have been cleared for the next level that night.

Few weeks after that, God came through for me too...

That people are buying car every week does not mean yours won't come, that they are getting married every other weekend does not mean you won't find your man/lady, and that friends are giving birth all around doesn't mean they have given birth to your child.

In this kingdom, there is enough to go round.

So rather than getting bitter over what God is doing in the life of your friend, be genuinely happy for them while believing that what God can do for one of us, he can do for all.

I know there are times when it seems your friends have life good smoothly while yours is as though your life is going five steps forward and fifty steps backwards, choose to be happy for them, tell God to help you rejoice with them and make your heart right.

I read online some weeks ago about a certain man whose family upstairs his flat just bought a new car, he was asked how he felt. He said 'I feel happy God is in our compound, when he is through upstairs he will come downstairs.

That is the statement of a man whose heart is right.

Some Things You Can Do While Waiting For Your Big Miracle

1. Sincerely rejoice with them

I know how hard it is to rejoice when other people are rejoicing for blessings you are still yet to receive.

You are still waiting to get married, and one of those in your close circle is getting married, rather than sitting at home and throwing questions at God on why it's not you getting married with how beautiful you are and all, go there, be useful to them, support them financially as much as you can.

Your friend got a great job while you're still stuck with a job that can't pay your bills or worse you're still job hunting, rather than getting depressed, rejoice with them, ask them about their jobs and what it entails, don't stop caring about them.

Be as excited as you would be if it was you who got the job or is getting married, carry the joy on your head literally and then watch God come through for you too.

2. Don't allow bitterness in your heart against them and God

After praying and praying and it seems God is interested in answering the prayers of your friends and not yours, it's so easy to begin to harbor bitterness towards them or worse getting angry at God himself.

You are still trying to conceive after three years of marriage and another friend seems to be getting pregnant almost every two years or you are still trying to get admitted into the University four years after secondary school, and another friend is already writing his project in the University, the temptation to become bitter against becomes so real, but you do not have to allow that in your heart.

Rather than getting bitter against them

-Be happy for them
-Pray for them
- Keep declaring God's promises over your own life too

3. Learn your lessons

Nothing happens to us by chance and as children of the Father, just as it is in the physical when we attend classes and also write our exams, so is it in the spiritual too.

Whatever comes on our path, there is always something there for us to learn, so rather than asking God why it must be you experiencing that delay, thank God for it and be prepared to learn the lessons God will have you learn at that point in time because life is in phases and that phase will also pass.

Some lessons you might learn in your waiting season includes

-How to be patient

-It'll make you to be able to reckon with others who will go through similar situations in years to come

-How to accommodate people's mistakes

- If you allow God, great character will be molded in you

- How to deeply trust God

While there will always be people who still have things you're trusting God for, be it a bigger house, a better paying job, a lovely family, a child of your own, a partner to call yours, but, while you're still trusting God for those things, don't allow what you don't have rob you of being appreciative of the many things you have now.

Ever gone through similar situations when it seem everyone was receiving their blessings except you? Please share with us in the comment section.

November 14, 2019 No comments

Lagos traffic in so legendary, there are even people who have never visited or lived in Lagos who knows how terrible Lagos traffic is.

It's so easy to think that Lagos traffic is overrated especially When you have never had to visit the state, but take it from me, there are worse cases than you have ever heard.

The company I work with is quite a distant from home and due to the bad roads caused by the rain, traffic has become the order of the day for some time. There are days I leave home early in a bid to get to work on time, only for me to get to place where there is a total lock down. At such times, you won’t even know who to get annoyed with, you move from getting annoyed with yourself, to getting annoyed with the road and every other thing in between.

If you live in a place like Lagos here in Nigeria, you would know that there are a lot of things that must be put in place if indeed we really want to grow and stay sane without titling towards depression.

I remember few weeks back when most of the road of Lagos were so bad before the governor declared state of emergency, I realized I was beginning to get sad which was mainly as a result of the traffic and the precious I was wasting sitting down and watching which lane was moving, most people at work knows me as a smiling person, but due to Lagos traffic, I realized I was beginning to loose my smile and was always frowning.

That was when I put in some measures to make sure that I don’t losse my smile again.

Let me share some of the measures I put in place with you

1. START DOING YOUR DEVOTION IN THE BUS

On your way to work rather than wondering when the traffic will ease up, you can start having your devotion in the bus, either you are in a staff bus or you are in a public transport, this is something you can start doing. And if you’re driving yourself to work, you can play your audio bible or a sermon just to help you commune with God.

My family has a devotion every morning, and after the family devotion I try to create out time to commune with God personally too, I used to do my devotion when I get to work every morning before the start of work, but with the increase in the time I spent sitting in the bus, I had to begin to devise another means knowing full well that if I don’t invest my time in the bus well, I will not have time to do that in the early hours once I get to work. After setting down in the bus, I'll plug in the earpiece into my ears to minimize the noise coming from the moving bus and start reading my devotional for that day while praying under my breath.

If you have done your devotion much earlier in the day, you can decide to use some time for meditation.

2. WRITE YOUR TO DO LIST FOR THE DAY.

Daily to-do list is an itemized list that helps you keep track of your day, it is a list of the things you want to accomplish for the day, it does not take more than five minutes to write on the average and it can really make you feel good about yourself because you can start doing some of them while still stuck in the traffic.

This is something before traffic came that I was always doing in the early hours when I got to work, but due to traffic, I realized that there was little or no time for me to get settled and begin to write that, so while in the bus to work and l praying for the traffic to ease up, I write my list.

Writing my to-do list in the bus has helped me in no small way because by so doing, I would able to strategise for the day and not just wonder where all the hours went to by nightfall.

3. LISTEN TO SONGS

There is a great feeling about songs that just help calm the nerves and put things in the right perspective. Rather than boiling in anger about the traffic, you can listen to songs from great artistes either stored on your phone or from YouTube.

I’ll soon be sharing a list of my favorite songs to add to your play list, watch out for this post .

While waiting for the traffic to get cleared up, you can use that time to listen to songs. There are days when I leave just one song on repeat, and there are other days I listen to several songs. Songs sure have a way of calming me down.

4. REVIEW YOUR DAY

You can use the traffic time to review your day on your way back from work/school.

Did you achieve the things you said you would do in your to-do list which you wrote on your way out?

Are there still other things you can still achieve while you’re on your way home?

You’ll realize that doing this will really help calm you down.

On my way home rather than complain and be in a sour mood about what lane is moving and what lane is not moving, I use that time to review my day, I check the to-do list I wrote in the morning and the things I have been able to achieve so far, and I still use the traffic time to cross out other things that I can do while sitting in the bus.

5. READ A BOOK

Some people excuse for not developing themselves mentally is the fact that they don't have the luxury of time, while that might be true, but the time spent in traffic can be channeled into doing that .

Reading a book is such a good use of traffic time, you can use the time to read a chapter or two of a book, most people give the excuse that they don’t have enough time to read, but if something is very important, we create out time for it.

Have a book that you are reading for a week or a month, check out how many chapters it has, spread the chapters over a week or a month, and have a goal for how many chapters you want to read per day.

For now, traffic is a thing that has come to stay in Lagos at least on some routes, but the way we use that amount of time spent in it can add value to our lives.

Do you have other things you do in traffic, I look forward to reading your comments.

November 07, 2019 No comments

Virginity might not really be a big deal to some people, but for some, it means the world to them, and they can’t imagine having a spouse who won’t be able to give them that as a wedding gift.

The kind of upbringing some brothers have already conditioned them to thinking about what their weeding night would look like, with he and his bride being virgins.

Let’s talk about Timothy and Lola

Timothy was brought up in a Christian family, he sees the way his father still takes pride in being the one to deflower his mum after thirty-five years of marriage and three children. He unconsciously begins to see himself years from now also sitting with his children and telling them about how he and their mother had kept themselves, and how he had been the first man to have canal knowledge of their mom.

He felt led to propose to a Lola who is a sister he met on a trip to Eygpt during a cell program, and after due diligence on the part of the sister, she gave her consent. The day she said yes was his most happiest day on earth, he felt on top of the world to be engaged to such a great lady, until that fateful day five months into the relationship , when Lola break the news the that she is not a virgin after seeing the way he talks about virgins and virgin bride, he thought his whole world was going to crumble.

He sits down in his office and keeps staring into space while seeing nothing but his mind mapping out different scenes of several men sleeping with his fiancée although she didn’t give him the details. He is at cross roads not knowing if he should continue with the relationship or just break it out rightly, the more he prays about the case, the more light he sees on that path but he can’t imagine getting married to a woman he won’t be able to brag about being the first man to sleep with her.

Dear brother who is engaged to a lady who is not a virgin,

I understand that you must be feeling as though God has cheated you by not giving you an untouched lady, especially if getting married to a virgin had been something you have always looked forward to, you get annoyed sometimes that you’ll be getting married to a lady who you will not have the luxury of saying you were the one who broke her hymen.

I was raised up among people who hold virginity in a high esteem and who would never listen to the stories of other ladies who are not virgins regardless of what the circumstances surrounding it might have been. As I began to move through life, I have met people who are not virgins not because they didn't like it but because of situations beyond them.

Recently, I attended a program recently somewhere on the island and heard a forty -one year old woman talk to us about her journey and how she had been molested by her uncle several times at age eleven. That was the first time I was going to ask God for forgiveness for the several times I had looked at non-virgins and had thought they were second class citizens.

While there are ladies who walked into having sex with their eyes opened, there are still some ladies whose present status they themselves had no say over. Or what do you say about a three year old girl whose neighbor molested her and that young age; she has lost her virginity even before knowing what it meant.

And even if your fiancée had sex as an adult who knew what she was doing and the repercussions, in as much as she is now in Christ, she is no longer her mistake. There is no denying of the fact that she has slept with someone, but now she is no longer that lady who used to spread her legs to guys anymore, she has been translated, she is new.

Yes, you have been keeping yourself and have high hopes that your partner too will follow suit, but her not being a virgin especially now that it is her past or circumstances she had no control over, should not be held against her.

Her not being a virgin does not affect her ability to be a good wife to you and a great mother to the children you will both have. There is still a life after you sleep with her for the first time, think about that. Don’t lose a priceless jewel because it came in a container you didn’t like, don't say no, don't run out of that ship on this basis.

She is by no means less to her fellow sister with an unbroken hymen, one thing is common in both, their Lord is Christ. Rather than being annoyed over the fact that God cheated you by not giving you a woman who has kept herself especially as a reward for all the years you have kept yourself, thank God for the gift he gave you.

The same God of Virgin Mary is the same God of Rahab the prostitute, and once your fiancee has come to God, see her through the lens of Christ, choose to see her as God sees her, although it might be difficult at first especially if you have other female friends who are virgins and you wonder what it might be to be the first one to sleep with a woman, you’ll get over it when you dwell on her many other strength.

You might need to ask yourself these questions

Does she love God?

Is she committed to you?

Is she growing in her walk with God?

Does your core value align?

Does she fit into the future God has shown you?

Do you love her?

If you can sincerely answer those questions in the affirmative, and you're convinced she is God's will for your life, don't let her not being a virgin stop you.

Remember, therefore, if anyone (woman) is in Christ, he (and in this case, she )is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

That is what God thinks about her, ask him for help too to be able to see beyond the messed up lady to a gift given to you by God.

October 31, 2019 No comments

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