by - June 20, 2018

We Don't Want To Have Sex, What Can We Do?

Although there have been a lot of uproar about being in a relationship that is not sexual, it is becoming almost difficult to be in a relationship where you are not supposed to have sex, and it's even more difficult especially for people who have been sexually active but have decided to stay pure.

After having set up the boundaries aside from the regular talk like:

'I want to keep myself for my husband for my wedding night'
'I don't want to get pregnant'
'My mentor will not be happy if he hears'

There has to be principles that can guide you and that can stand the test of time.

After establishing the principles and standing by the word being sexually pure, what are those things you can do in your courtship that can enhance bonding without sex.

1. Pursue God

When I talk about pursuing God, this means that both of you should be all sold out to God and His purpose. You could pick a particular character in the Bible and do an indepth study of the person while you both come together and do a review.
You can also pick a day in the week to pray for your family and all that surrounds it.
You can also volunteer for some outreach in your locality and do the best you can.
You also need to be as transparent with each other as possible so that you can fight any battle that needs to be fought now.

2. Make plans

While it might not be possible to have everything figured out, but it is possible to have an aspect figured out. The time of courtship is not just a time to look into each other eyes while saying sweet musings, it is a time to make concrete plans as regards the future.

3. Talk

After the euphoria of engagement is gone, the period of courtship is a time to talk about things.
These are the things you might decide to talk about:

How many children will we have?

What kind of house would we live in (a bungalow, flat, duplex)?

Do you believe in discipling children, and who will be responsible for the discipline?

Will I have the liberty of pursing my career when we start giving birth (For the female).

What are your expectations as regards sharing of house chores (For male)?

Are we going to have a joint account?

Will any family relation live with us and for how long?

Is there any offence that I may commit that you can never forgive?

And the list goes on....

Just keep talking.

4. Socialize

I have come across both brothers and sisters who still think that there is nothing exciting about getting engaged to a Christian, although they might not be fully blamed because they feel it will be soo boring. I wouldn't blame them much especially since our brothers often look like those whose fashion designers had a degree in farming and the skirt of the sisters can sew a complete Iro and buba (Smiles). While Christian courtship isn't supposed to be about sex, there are some activities you can still indulge in and still have fun. They include but not limited to:

* You can decide to have a group date (it can be between your friend and his fiancee and your fiancee)

* You can go to the cinema on a weekend if you both reside in the same town.

* You can visit a tourist attraction together (Olumo rock is a place to be, I haven't been there but planing towards it).

* You can visit the home of an elderly couple to see the way things are being done there.

The list is definitely endless...

For my friends  who are  in a relationship and are abstaining, I doff my hat for you.

And for everyone engaged or not who has chosen the path of sexual purity, it pays...

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