You mean you were expecting me to pray about Dare? I asked my friend Ara with a deadly look on my face

'Funmi, we both know that is what is expected of a sister who receives a marriage proposal from a man' Ara replied me with a tone that defied my glare.

'But, you know how much of a busy woman I am, I cann't waste my precious time in prayer over that kind of man Biko' Ara continued while buttressing her point.

'And what do you mean by that kind of man? I asked stressing the word 'that kind of man'

'He is not tush, he doesn't know how to dress, he is not smart, he commits blunder when he speaks english, he does not know how to combine colours, he is not even funny. Wo, Ore, the list is endless jare' Ara said as she got up from the bed on her way to the kitchen.

I couldn't help but shake my head as my friend of three years uttered those words.

'But all what you have stated are minor things o, I need some major reasons why you didn't even bother to pray about him' Funmi said as her friend returned to the room carrying a tray containing cake and a bottle of water.

'You call all those things minor? Ah! What are the list of the major things by your own standard then? Ara asked as she handed over a slice of cake to her friend before joining her on the bed.

'Okay, but you will have to answer my questions o. Is he born again? Funmi asked in between bites.

'Yes, he is born again' Ara answered wondering where all the questions was going to lead to.

'Does he love God?

'Of a truth, for the period of time we have been friends, I can boldly say that he loves the lord, and his love for God is even contagious sef' Ara replied her friend while cutting a slice of cake.

'Do his core values align with the word of God?

'Hmmmmmmmm. In all sincerity, his goals are deeply rooted in God's word. All he talks about is that after his departure from earth, people will say that they saw Jesus in Dare. Let me say it in his words 'I want them to say, because Dare lived, we caught a glimpse of Jesus' Ara said smiling as she remembered the way Dare's face glows whenever he made that declaration.

Is he a man of consistent character, can you say he is word-bound?

'Yea Yea. He keeps to his words o. If he tells me he will call me by 12 in the afternoon and doesn't call by then, just know something is wrong. He sure keeps to his words' Ara answered still wondering what her friend is trying to achieve.

'And I still don't get where you are going with all these your questions o' She voiced her concerns.

'Can he become tush? Funmi asked evading her questions.

'Yes, anyone can become tush if they work at it na'

'Can he learn how to combine colours and dress well?

'Anybody can learn how to combine colours and dress well. I also learnt it myself' Ara replied finally coming to the understanding of what her friend was saying.

Can he speak 'good' english? Funmi asked her friend

'Of course, with the right resources he can become a pro at speaking good english if there is anything like 'good english'. Ara replied smiling.

'So you see that you have placed more priority on the minor while deliberately ignoring the major' Funmi said to her friend.

'Hmmmmmmmmmmmm' That was all Ara could say.

****************************************

It is becoming more alarming the way some ladies are putting more priority on what should take the least priority. They are more concerned about the things that can be changed with time as opposed to those that Only intervention from above can change.

While there are some are some features that can not be undone for example tribal marks, there are still others that can be worked upon. That a young man can not speak good english today does not mean he can not be taught.

There are some men that can't seem to wear their size of suit today, that does not automatically mean it will continue like that. I was going through our family album recently and I saw a picture of my dad around twelve years back wearing a SUIT (you know that kind of suit that looks like agbada, that was what he was wearing), but if you see him today....

Conclusively, before you write that man off, make sure it is really from God and not because of your misplaced piority.

We Don't Want To Have Sex, What Can We Do?

Although there have been a lot of uproar about being in a relationship that is not sexual, it is becoming almost difficult to be in a relationship where you are not supposed to have sex, and it's even more difficult especially for people who have been sexually active but have decided to stay pure.

After having set up the boundaries aside from the regular talk like:

'I want to keep myself for my husband for my wedding night'
'I don't want to get pregnant'
'My mentor will not be happy if he hears'

There has to be principles that can guide you and that can stand the test of time.

After establishing the principles and standing by the word being sexually pure, what are those things you can do in your courtship that can enhance bonding without sex.

1. Pursue God

When I talk about pursuing God, this means that both of you should be all sold out to God and His purpose. You could pick a particular character in the Bible and do an indepth study of the person while you both come together and do a review.
You can also pick a day in the week to pray for your family and all that surrounds it.
You can also volunteer for some outreach in your locality and do the best you can.
You also need to be as transparent with each other as possible so that you can fight any battle that needs to be fought now.

2. Make plans

While it might not be possible to have everything figured out, but it is possible to have an aspect figured out. The time of courtship is not just a time to look into each other eyes while saying sweet musings, it is a time to make concrete plans as regards the future.


3. Talk

After the euphoria of engagement is gone, the period of courtship is a time to talk about things.
These are the things you might decide to talk about:

How many children will we have?

What kind of house would we live in (a bungalow, flat, duplex)?

Do you believe in discipling children, and who will be responsible for the discipline?

Will I have the liberty of pursing my career when we start giving birth (For the female).

What are your expectations as regards sharing of house chores (For male)?

Are we going to have a joint account?

Will any family relation live with us and for how long?

Is there any offence that I may commit that you can never forgive?

And the list goes on....

Just keep talking.

4. Socialize

I have come across both brothers and sisters who still think that there is nothing exciting about getting engaged to a Christian, although they might not be fully blamed because they feel it will be soo boring. I wouldn't blame them much especially since our brothers often look like those whose fashion designers had a degree in farming and the skirt of the sisters can sew a complete Iro and buba (Smiles). While Christian courtship isn't supposed to be about sex, there are some activities you can still indulge in and still have fun. They include but not limited to:

* You can decide to have a group date (it can be between your friend and his fiancee and your fiancee)

* You can go to the cinema on a weekend if you both reside in the same town.

* You can visit a tourist attraction together (Olumo rock is a place to be, I haven't been there but planing towards it).

* You can visit the home of an elderly couple to see the way things are being done there.

The list is definitely endless...

For my friends  who are  in a relationship and are abstaining, I doff my hat for you.

And for everyone engaged or not who has chosen the path of sexual purity, it pays...

                   


I Love My Dad, But......


For the ladies like me who have fathers who love them and would do anything for them, we might get tempted to feel that our husband must also continue from where our father stopped.

I for one have a very very very very very very very loving father, this is a man who I felt no matter the trouble or situation I got in, I believed that he could settle it.

Let me give you some examples

I remember in my university days, my twin sis and I attended the same university, and there are days when we have to cook and because we didn't discuss it before we departed, and I don't have sufficient airtime, guess what I would do?

 I wouldn't credit my phone nor wait till I was going home to buy the ingredients...

 I would call my father and plead with him to call my sister to tell her to buy ingredients and cook (you can imagine the miles apart), and he will do just that.

I can't remember ever buying call card for more than three times in the university (you can guess who makes sure my phone is loaded).

Imagine me bringing this kind of mindset into marriage (Always expecting my husband to credit my phone at ALL times, and always ready to put a call across without looking for solutions around me).

I agree that your challenges should OUR challenges,   but remember you are supposed to be a helpmeet and not another problem to be solved.

There are some expectations from fathers to daughters and there are some from husband to wives, all of which are different from themselves.

You will always be a baby to your father, but you and your husband are two adults who will be expected to take decision that will affect not just your life but that of the children too.

Although nothing is wrong with you expecting to be pampered by your husband, but be realistic with it.

There are a lot of ladies already setting themselves up for tears later on in life because of the mindset they harbour today.

Don't let your husband begin to feel that he is competing with your father.

Your father is your father ( like my father will always be my father).

Your husband is your husband.

#Beam

Can we say this prayer together,

"Lord, until you are finished

processing me, please don’t send

anyone my way.

What is Beam saying again?

Have you ever had to eat a meal that was half cooked, probably because the cook doesn't know how to cook or because Nepa took light and you were using electric cooker (Yea Yea, i know the feeling).

Have you ever had to eat a fruit that was not ripe on the inside but only good on the outside?

While the outcome of those situations were not palatable, now imagine if it were a human being. We have so many people who are half baked, who only look good on the outside but can be toxic if consumed.

It is an established fact that we are in a jet age where everything must be done fast, but there are still some processes that we must go through if we want to be correct individuals.

While some people are miracles on two legs, others are accident going somewhere to happen.

One of the reasons why you are not engaged/married yet might be that God is still doing some things in your life that will make you better prepared for who He is sending your way.

There are some assignments that requires deep work, while some might not necessarily be as deep. Only God knows what he is calling you to be, you are not involved in a competition with anyone.

If you are becoming too desperate to get married, it is most likely that you are liable to choose wrong. Have you ever had to eat a meal when you were so famished, it is most likely you just ate in a rush, and it was only after you have gulped down half of the meal did you realise that the plate was dirty and wouldn't have ate with it if you were not so hungry.

Things gotten In a rush most times are usually beneath things that are chosen under calm situations.

Don't jump out of process.

Develop all the strength you need now, for you are going to need it.

If you are tempted by all the white dresses and diamond ring, buy a white dress for yourself and a ring, then wear it to the next concert your church organises (Smikes). There is more to marriage than a white gown, flowers and gits.

If you are tempted by all the black suit and 'agbada' you see, buy a black suit and white shirt, then wear it to the next diner night your company organises.

So, can we say the prayer again

“Lord, until you are finished

processing me, please don’t send

anyone my way.

Be careful what you ask for, because you will get it.

But no need to worry...

It will yield tremendous result.

Did you find this post impactfull?

I look forward to reading your comments.

#Beam

I read a book about marriage last year by Gary Chapman :Things I wish I knew before I got married, it was a great book to say the least.

Let me share some of the things I jotted down.

1. Being in love is not a sufficient
foundation on which to build a successful marriage, there is more.

2.  There will time when the initial gra gra (IGG) will not be enough.

3.  Your social, spiritual and intellectual interests must agree, so also your value system and goals must also align.

4.  Marriage is beyond, he/she makes me feel good.

5.  Knowing the primary love language is important.

6.  Basically, we are often more than our parents than we realize, either positive or negative.

7.  Visit you fiancé/fiancée parents to see the environment he/she grew up in.
Our ideas and perceptions of life are strongly influenced by our history, values and personalities and these factors are different for each of us.

8.  The word compromise is not always a negative word especially in marriage, it means to find a meeting place.

9.  Forgiveness goes beyond a felling, it is a decision.
Forgiveness does not equal forgetting, because as human we have both the conscious and the subconscious mind and memories can leap from the subconconcious to the conscious without inviting it.

10.  Confusion over roles is one of the most stressful aspects of contemporary marriages i.e who will do this, who will do that.

These are the little I can write for now.

Trust you got value.

#Beam