Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

I apologize for going away unannounced, so much has been happening with me recently, but I remain committed to coming here to share one or two nuggets with you, with the hope that you will find them useful and you will be able to implement them in your life too, even as you work towards getting better.

So, today’s post is one centered on relationships.

Love is a very beautiful thing, even the scriptures establish it that one of the mysteries;

There are three things that amaze me— no, four things that I don’t understand:..  how a man loves a woman. Proverbs 30:18-19

Gary Chapman; whose work is renowned for what he has done in the relationship and marriage space was the man who wrote the book: Five Love Languages, he explained the five love languages to be;

Physical Touch 

Quality Time

Acts of Service

Receiving of Gifts

Words of Affirmation

Gary talked about the fact that every human principally understands love in one of these love languages, and that we should seek to understand both the languages we speak as individuals and the ones our significant other understands.

Today’s post will be centered on the love language of Physical Touch especially ways in which partners in a relationship can speak this language while still maintain purity.

Physical touch as a love language does not literally mean having sex, but physical touch often leads to that, but for partners who are not yet married, this can be very dicey, as you aren’t allowed to have sex until you are married, but still you want to show that you love your significant other.

This puzzle of not wanting to have sex, while still showing love to your partner will lead us towards seeking healthy alternatives.

Before talking about the alternatives, let’s talk about what you shouldn’t be doing in your relationship though your primary love language is physical touch…

-  Don’t Hug Unnecessarily

Yes, though your primary love language or that of your partner might be physical touch, do well to understand that you can not fully speak that language in your relationship until you are both proclaimed married, so if you will both maintain purity stand, you might want to desist from hugging each other unnecessarily or those prolonged hugs where you are tapping current (if you know, you know). 

There is no point setting each other on fire if you won’t be able to do something with that fire.

Also Read: HOW TO CREATE SEXUAL BOUNDARIES IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

-       

   Don’t Touch Each Other

By touching, I mean don’t allow your hands to roam each other’s bodies. 

You aren’t permitted to explore each other’s bodies yet, and the fact that your primary love language is physical touch isn’t a yardstick for you to touch each unduly.

I understand that sometimes, emotions can run very wild, believe me when I say I understand this well, but then we are not subject to our emotions, we are able to control our emotions.

-  Don’t Stay When You Are Craving Physical Touch

If you are the partner who speaks the physical touch language, on days when you are craving that touch, kindly flee. 

If you are with your partner at the time you feel your emotions running wild, rather than staying and trying to form a strong man or strong woman, you can explain the situation at hand and then ask that you both say your goodbyes.

While you might really want to stay, wisdom demands that you leave, leaving at a time like that will definitely be hard, but it is something that must be done. You both wouldn't want to do something that you will regret later on. 

Moving on, let’s talk about the healthy alternatives;

1.      

     Holding of Hands

Doing this will help satisfy the love you seek even as you maintain strict sexual boundaries. 

As you are walking down a street, you can walk hand-in-hand, this will mean a lot to the partner whose primary love language is holding of hands.

And when we talk about holding hands, ensure that it is just the hands you are holding.

2.  Sit Close To Each Other When You Are Out On A Date

I’ll suggest you sit close when you are together, a distance where you can easily hit each other when the other person says a joke, or pinch each other when you are just trying to be funny. 

This won't be a good option when your emotions are running wild, this should be a time to sit opposite each other when you are on a date, but other times sitting close helps you bond. 

Whatever distance you choose to keep between your bodies, always remember that your body is a temple of the Lord, and your sitting close should not be an avenue to fondle your bodies.

3.  Speak Other Love Languages

Physical touch is a love language that you might not be able to fully speak in a relationship, there are dimensions of it that are left to our senior colleagues (people who are married), but physical touch is only one of the love languages, try speaking the others languages at intervals.

Spend quality time together in a public space 

Give and receive gifts from each other

Do things for each other (acts of service) 

And give each other accolades (words of affirmation)

To those in a relationship, trust that God will help you to always have the consciousness that marriage is an honorable thing, and you and your partner are strengthened to keep the bed and each other’s bodies undefiled all through this relationship phase in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Do invite me to your weddings when it finally happens!

There is so much Light***

Read : 10 GREAT DATES BEFORE YOU SAY 'I DO'|| PART 1

Hey Blog Fam

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

So, today’s post will be on career and my thoughts to fellow career professionals.

Whether you are a young professional or one who is a middle-level manager,  there are certain things I believe we are not expected to do in our professional life. Doing these things might not be bad in themselves, but they do not allow prospective employers to see you as being professional enough to bring on their team.

Without further ado, let's jump right into it... 

1. Lying About Your Reasons For Wanting To Join A Company 

Over the years I have spent in the corporate world, I have seen that when candidates are asked why they intend to leave where they currently work, they mention some reasons that are so far away from the truth.

As a candidate, one thing you should always remember is that your interviewers are human, and they can almost tell when you are saying the truth or telling a lie. Whatever reason you might have for seeking employment in a company, be as truthful as possible. 

Recruiters like your authenticity. And the corporate world is such a small place that if the reason you are leaving your current employment is that you were being told to forcefully resign, and you tell the recruiters that you are leaving because of the salary, there is a thing called workplace verification, your prospective employer might choose to do a background check at your last place of employment even before giving you a letter. 

Let it not be said that you lost out on a good job because you were being deceitful.

2. Changing Jobs Too Often 

This is another red flag that employers of labor are usually wary of. 

When your CV is perused or when you come for an interview, and the recruiter(s) begins to notice that you haven't spent a minimum of one year in the places you claimed to have worked before, it shows that you are not going to be an employee a company can grow with. 

If you change jobs too often, it might stop you from getting hired, as your prospective employers will interpret your changing jobs too often as meaning that you are not one they can build a company with.

Recruiting is a lot of work, and no organization or HR wants to go through all of the stress involved, get a candidate they think is the best fit for the job, only for the candidate to leave in less than six months of being employed. This will take the company back to having a vacant position yet again, and no one loves to keep recruiting, undergo training and induction, only for the employee to leave, so once they see you are not a person who stays in a company for too long, minimum of 2-3 years, it's likely you might not be considered to be hired. 

Exiting within a short time frame might not be a lot for the employee, but for the recruiter and the organization, it is a lot of work, and no one wants to do that too often, so rather than hiring a candidate who has a track record of always quitting, most employers will go with a candidate who is more stable and they believe they can grow with.

As a candidate, you might have solid reasons why you don't stay too long at a job, maybe the culture at the workplace isn't something you are comfortable with, or you feel that there are many politics at play and hence your reason for leaving. You can exit within six months of employment under extreme circumstances, but do not allow that to be the norm. 

To guard against exiting jobs too often, ensure that before accepting any job offer, make sure you are certain that you are making the right decision.  

3. Agreeing To Resume A New Job ASAP

This is another thing you might have been doing wrong. 

If you currently have a job as at the time when you went for an interview, when asked when you will be ready to resume, resists the urge to say as soon as you get the offer letter. This spells danger to your prospective employer. 

Under normal circumstances, when you are employed to work in an organization, when you are about to exit that organization, there are policies that you have to abide by. In some companies, it is two weeks' notice, in other firms, it is one month notice in lieu of one month's salary. 

So, when you tell a prospective employer that you are open to resuming ASAP, it shows something is wrong with your personal work ethics, and it communicates that you are ready to put your current employers in disarray which comes when you abruptly decide not to go to the office. Any wise prospective employer will most likely not hire that candidate because he has zero work ethic, and a few years down the line when he gets a better offer, he will also leave them without prior notice. 

If you are currently not working, then you can tell your recruiters you are available to resume ASAP, but if you have a job, then tell them you'll be able to resume in two weeks or one month (or whatever your company's policy is) after you have received your offer letter. This shows a loyal staff, and any employer will be willing to hire you if you display this character. 

So, let's go over what has been discussed, professionals don't lie about their reasons for wanting to join a company, don't change jobs too often, and they don't agree to resume a job as soon as possible.

I believe you have been able to learn a thing or two from today's Blog post.

There is so much light***

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

Today’s post was first published on the Blog on the 20th December, 2022, and because the lessons in it are so timeless, we are bringing it back for your reading pleasure today. Few notes will be added to it.

Sit back, read, and learn!

***

Social media can be both a blessing and a curse depending on how you use it, but irrespective of all that, you are still supposed to have a little control over your life no matter how small.

This era is quite a digitalized one and everything seems to be bubbling, there will always be a trend to join online week-on-week. Still, there are times when you just have to take a step back from the seemingly fast-paced world and see if you are still you and can enjoy your space even if there are no likes or followers looking at you.

Some people are of the opinion that SM is fake as people only post the highlighted portion of their life on it, while this might not be the total truth, it is still true to a great extent.

Some months back, a lady on my timeline was posting how she was trying to make her braids all by herself, she showed us the process and the total number of hours it took her in getting the final result ready.

Then she mentioned something I consider profound, she said and I quote loosely that she could have left us out of the process and only come to show us the finished product and then start creating lovely hashtags for the finished product. Hashtags like #do-it-yourself, #i-made-my-hair-myself, and the likes, making it all look easy without mentioning the stress it took her to be able to achieve the result we now see.

But that is what a whole lot of people do; they'd leave you out of the whole process and make you feel as though nothing is really working in your life.

You'll agree that we all need a break as often as possible from these apps that people only post their highlighted lives on.

Pointers That You Need A Break

1. You Are Becoming Depressed Due To The Perfect Life Of Your Online Friends

Yes.

Social media pressure is so real.

It is on the media that you'll see the kind of car your friend is driving and you wouldn't even care to know if that car is a non-policy car from the company he works for.

Yes, companies give non-policy cars to their members of staff, it is a car just given to be able to take the employee around and should he want to leave the job, or if his appointment gets terminated, he'll have to drop the car.

And even if that friend of yours bought the car with his money, what makes you think that you can't also work to be able to afford that.

If you start seeing yourself beginning to compare the life of the random person you see online or even that of a friend, and then you begin to use that as a yardstick to judge your life with all the beautiful things you have going on, and you keep falling short or the life on SM, now might be a good time to go offline till you are in a much better place mentally so that you won't end up committing suicide or worse, thinking that God is not faithful.

2. Important Things In Your Life Are Beginning To Slack

You no longer pray.

You can't meet deadlines at work.

Assignments are left undone.

The pile of your unread books keeps increasing (you should know I love to read by now😄) 

All because you took a chair to Instagram and TikTok and spent four solid hours there busy scrolling down the different news feeds and creating videos. You can never exhaust your news feed even if you stay there for a week; there will always be something new.

If you discover that there are things you consider important that you no longer have time for because you are on the media for hours without end, now might be a good time to take a break until you are able to come back in control.

How to go on The Break

1.     Uninstall the app

Uninstall it and if you'd want to go to that extreme, you can delete it for the duration of your break.

2.     Fill the time with something worthwhile

Worthwhile things you can do while on break;

~ Build your spiritual life

~Read books

~Take online courses

~Bond more with your offline friends

~Be happy to be by yourself

~Go to places, have fun, take pictures and just let the pictures be on your phone since you don't have to upload them for the world to see.

Remember you only live life once, so be determined to live it to the fullest.

Even if you have a business to run online, you can have two phones, one for personal use, and the other, strictly for your business.

So when you are on break but you still need to run your online business, you pick up your business phone and do business on it.

If you'll still be coming online because of your business, make sure you respect yourself enough to only do business when you're online.

No one will know when you stop attending to customers and quickly log into an app, but you know. So respect yourself enough to take a clean break.

One of the things about social media break is that it'll help you see if indeed your life is full of there are no likes and comments from followers.

It just puts things in the right perspective for you.

December is here (at the moment, June 2022 is the one almost here), a month of reflection, take time and go offline, and do this periodically within the year too. 

If you are very active online, you might post it on your timeline or even decide to go offline without prior notice. Whatever you do, just take the time offline to detox.

I know some adults, people in their 50's and above who spend a healthy portion of their life online, but what I tell myself is; I am in the building phase of my life and these people are in their maturity/declining stage, whilst there isn't much that they can do with their life, but I who isn't even thirty yet have the best of my life ahead of me, which I am not allowed to spend mindlessly scrolling online. This is a mind you should have too if you are a young person who is aiming for success. 

Let me tell you this for free, you will come back from the break feeling refreshed.

Cooperate with God to make your life beautiful not just online but truly beautiful.

There is so much light!

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust you’re doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in your heart.

So this week post is cenetered on on of the very core future of human race; children/offspring

Last week Friday, 27th May was the celebration of children’s day all over Nigeria where I currently live, and in one of the mail from my banks, they mentioned endless possibilities and it took me back memory lane for sure.

I remembered that small girl growing on the streets of Lagos who at age three was taken to a school so that she could stop disturbing the house which in Yoruba parlence is called (Jeleosimi).

I vaguely remember how we (my twin sister and I) started a proper primary school and how when I got to primary 4 at age 9, my headmistress offered to give me a double promotion to Junior Secondary School 1 (JSS1) to which my parents refused wanting me to go through the normal process, then I finished primary school, moved to secondary school where I had to barb my long hair at age 10. 

I can still almost hear the reactions of neighbours who expressed their displeasure that my mom will agree to cut such a full and long hair which was what my twin sister and I had back then.

My strong-willed nature came to play in my teenage years, and there were some weeks that I was flogged by my mom every other day. I was very strong-willed. I scaled through the secondary school phase and then went to the university. 

For my university education, I initially wanted to go very far away from home so I could fulfill all those teenage fantasies that I had in my mind. Being a pastor’s child, I was a little restricted from doing some things and I had the mind to explore all of those things.

Thank God I didn’t gain admission to the first school I wrote Post-UTME in which was located in the eastern part of Nigeria.

The JAMB I wrote the year after landed me in Olabisi Onabanjo University (OOU), where I studied Microbiology and met the most amazing set of people on earth, many of whom still remain in my inner circle till today. 

It was from this school that the trajectory of my life changed for the better, I began to know God for myself beyond just being a pastor’s daughter. I met Christian friends, learnt Christian dicplines, was privileged to serve in some capacities in the university fellowship where I attended; Gospel Student Fellowship (GSF) which I believe it is still the best Christian fellowship on campus. Just joking though, I believe God is anywhere we choose to worship, just that the story of my life will not be  complete without mentioning this great fellowship.

Why did I take you down this memory lane?

Just to point out that for every child you have access to today, there is an endless possibility ahead of them which you might never begin to imagine.

I look at myself today in the almost three decades that I have lived and I can not almost believe that I have achieved this level of growth in my life. I look back at the times when I was been flogged for doing one wrong or the other, and It makes me aware more than ever before that no child should ever be written off as no good.

When you see an adult, that adult has already gotten to where he is going, there is not so much that can really change about such adult, but with a child, there is so much that can happen.

My advice to you as we go through life is that for every child within your circle of influence, ensure that you do the best that you can for them. Give them the gift of your time, give them the gift of counsel.

I know how easy it is to see a child who is going on a wrong path and you write them off as no good, but consistently resit that urge. Sow the seeds of prayer in their lives, as often as you can, path with some of your money to better the lives of the children around you.

Every child you see today will become an adult tomorrow, and you can make history by your contribution into the life of that child. 

There is an endless possibility to what these little ones of today can become tomorrow, sow into the future. They will be better people for what you will do, and you will not be forgotten.

Hope you enjoyed reading a part of my story, and I trust this inspires you to do more for the children around you.

There is so much light***

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

So today's post is centered on career, so the career professionals should get in here, and if you aren't in the corporate world yet, do keep reading because you'll learn a thing or two.

Without further ado, let's get into today's post.

***

Recently at work, some people were interviewed for some openings within the firm I work with. After the interview, the interviewers deliberated and sorted out some names of those who they felt were qualified for the position. 

The shortlisted people were all contacted on the next stage of the employment process which will be for them to submit their credentials and certificates.

It was at this stage that it was detected that one of these prospective employees claimed he had a degree he did not have and so could not produce when it was required.

Seeing this man loose out of the opportunity was such a humbling moment for me.

This was a personnel who had already scale through the interview process, what was left was for him to submit his documents, have them verified and then be accepted into the company, but he missed out on all of these because he claimed to have a certificate he didn't have.

By now, you should have guessed the mistake you should not make in your career, but if you are still thinking of what it is, then it is the fact that you should be honest on your Curriculum Vitae (CV). Even during all the interviewing process, only state what your true strengths are.

I know we are in a world that has told us that when you are asked if you can do something, say yes first and then go and learn how to do it, but this is not same with the information you give to a prospective employer. Be sincere with where you are even as you communicate that you are willing to learn the needed skills you do not posses at the moment. 

Don't claim to have a degree you don't have. 

Don't claim to have worked in a place where you have never worked. 

Don't claim that you are an expert in a skill while you are only a beginner. 

Stay true to yourself and to who you are per time.

One of my co-workers who was in the know of the guy's case mentioned that, If you are not proud of the degree/qualification you currently have, nothing stops you from enrolling to get a higher degree or certification in your line of profession, but don't ever lie to be who you are not.

I read of a lady who claimed she was an excellent driver while in truth she was a learner, and by the time she got the job, she was required to travel with the official car, she had an accident that could have been avoided if she were to be a professional, and although she came back to the office in one piece, that signaled the end of her job, because the management felt that if she could have lied about her ability to drive, then there was no limit to what she could have lied about to. 

Doctoring your skills is not a strength, others might do it and not get caught, but just think of all that's at stake when you do get caught. You might get the job and when you are caught be told to leave, or you might even not get the job because of your insincerity whereas if you had been true to your current degree you might have got the job without any hassle. 

Any employer that won't accept you at the level you truly are now don't need you on their team, there are others whom your current level will be all they need even as you make progress in your getting more certifications and experience. 

Be comfortable with stating the skills you currently have even as you forge ahead professionally. 

You are allowed to be both a masterpiece and a work-in-progress at the same time (I learnt this statement in a book; She's still there by Chrystal Hurst, I hope I'll be able to review the book soon on the Blog).

At all times, keep staying true to yourself.

Here's to greater advancement in your career.

There's so much light ***

RELATED: 5 TIPS TO INCREASE YOUR PRODUCTIVITY AT WORK

                    5 PRATICAL TIPS TO HELP YOU STOP DREADING MONDAYS

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

Today's Blog Past was first published on the Blog in May 2019, so if you haven't read it before do have a great time reading it. And if you read it when it was first published, I'm sure you'll re-learn a thing or two just like I did.

Enjoy!

***

I read this book some months ago(now years ago), prior to this time I have only read one of her books, A Woman After God's Own Heart, it was a great book that opened my eyes to see a whole lot of new things, so early this year, when I went to the place I buy my books(which is Bible wonderland, Surulere, Lagos in Nigeria) I decided to buy another book by this great woman and after reading through, I was not disappointed.

Permit me to share with you some of the things I learnt from the book;

✓ The book is an exposition on the book of proverbs 31, I know a large percent of people especially ladies are very familiar with this seemingly total woman who seems to have everything figured out, but one thing we should realize is that she didn't get to that height in one day or one year, she became a virtuous woman with TIME. Anything worthwhile takes time, we also should be ready to give it time.

✓ Although having all these Godly attributes might seem so far away(almost looking impossible), but we have to continue to put one foot in front of another - by taking a step at a time- we will finally arrive at our destination which is becoming beautiful in God's eyes.

✓ The Proverbs 31 woman was not just a woman who was conjured up by a man, it was actually a woman's definition of who an ideal woman should be. We also should start seeing as a guide given to us from an elderly woman.

✓ Contrary to the world's belief system that beauty is just the matter of the skin, I learnt from reading this book that God's definition of beauty transcends this. It is not just about having loving physical features that is pleasant to the eyes...

Being beautiful is about...

1. Having a personal relationship with God

2. Knowing God's will and doing it

3. Being a woman with the heart of a mother

4. Being a woman with an helping hand, who is always willing to help out no matter how small

5. Being a good manager of time, not wasting time but investing time

6. Being a good home keeper, acquiring the needed skill to excel in this aspect

7. Being a woman whose finances are together, not just purchasing things on impulse but thinking them through

8. Being submissive to the man in her life because that is the will of God

9. Being able to prioritize and choose her battles

10. Being a woman who is excellent at everything she does

10. Being a woman who is willing to learn money skills, who learns how to make money, manage money, save money, invest money, and all these will in turn make us more of an help meet.

11. Being a woman who values each day, who knows fully well that how we live each day is our 'one step at a time ' towards excellence

Let me stop here for now.

If you haven't read this book, please do well to purchase it on your next visit to the bookstore, it will definitely be worth your money.

There is so much light***

Hey BlogFam,

Trust we're all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

Today's post will be on the books I read in the just concluded month, without further ado, let's jump right into it.

1. Parenting Isn't For Cowards By Dr James Dobson

As the name implies, this is a book on parenting, and while I am not a parent yet but I will be one in no distant time by God's grace, and it is only wise that I start equipping myself with the right knowledge.

Unlike all the other books I read in April, I didn't start reading this book in April, in fact, I rolled it over from January to February to March before finally finishing it in April.

Lessons Learnt;

- No two children are the same, so I owe my children the responsibility of understanding each of them and treating them based on this understanding. There is a way to raise a compliant child and there is a way to raise a strong-willed child, and I am to learn all that is involved in raising them based on their uniqueness.

- While I am going to be a parent from when I give birth to my first child till my last day on earth if Christ tarries, active parenting isn't going to be for life. There will be a season when I can wield all my authority over my child, but as the child grows up, I am to release the reins gradually after which I am to finally release the grown child. There is nothing more dangerous than a parent exercising authority on a grown child.

- At every point in time, the child must always know who the parent is, especially in their formative years. I am not to be a coward. I am to show affection when I should and discipline when I should too. 

2. Digital Minimalism By Cal Newport 

I mentioned this book in an earlier post about utilizing the time you spend on social media well.

This book was recommended by CoachE' and oh my God, it really opened my eyes to a new way of using my devices and most especially the online world.

Lessons Learnt;

- In the social media world, the user of the services is only a product to them, they want to trap my attention as much as possible and sell it to their customers. 

- While I might not be able to totally eliminate the use of social media from my life, I can to a large extent control the time I spend on it. Deliberately controlling the time spent on these sites will help free up more time that is needed to devote to my top goals.

- For every point in time, I am to make sure I am the one using social media to advance my life, and not just joining the statistics who are mindlessly scrolling through the various newsfeeds.

3. A Single Lady And Her Dreams By Ife Grace

I purchased this book on her Blog, and it was a good buy.

She chronicled some of her life's journey chapter by chapter.

Lessons Learnt;

- I can not expect to really grow only by consuming free content or resources. She mentioned the struggle she experienced while trying to pay for a course, how she overcame that struggle, as well as the growth she has experienced just by the virtue of paying for that course. While free contents are good, to really grow at an optimum level, I will have to invest my resources to gain knowledge.

- I can not choose to wait till I am married before I am happy. Even in my single days, I should be happy and go all out in doing the things that make me happy.

- I am to prioritize my relationship with Jesus. The essence of my life fully rests on my relationship with the Lord.

- Putting structures in my life is important as I need them to fully optimize my productivity. A big NO to doing things haphazardly.

- Journalling is very important. I did a post on the power of journaling, you can read that here.

4. Divine Disruption By Tony Evans, Chrystal Evans Hurst, Priscilla Shirer, Anthony Evans and Jonathan Evans

Oh My God!

This book is such a refreshing read. It was really worth the time.

This book came as a result of the death of the mother of the house; Lois Evans who went home to be with the Lord in December, 2019.

Tony Evans is a patriarch of faith, and the fact that he is the biological father of Priscilla Shirer; the war room star actress takes his points higher.

Lessons Learnt;

- Legacy Is Key. I love how they are a family of God, this family and even the generation before and after them are all sold out to the Lord. It's so beautiful to see a family of God, all fully sold out to the Lord.

- The mother of the house holds things together. I love how both Tony (the father of the house), as well as the children, mentioned again and again what a solid support Lois was both to her husband; supporting him in ministry, and her children when they became parents.

- I learned that the seemingly small things I am doing in my life today are preparing me for the big things of life tomorrow. I loved when Priscilla mentioned that her mother's journal in the days when all she was doing was changing diapers formed a bedrock for the books she later wrote in life. 

- I learnt to keep trusting God. There will be times my prayers will get answered in the way I want, and other times it won't go that way, but in all, God can be trusted and he is a good Father. This statement coming from a family that has experienced so many losses is such a welcome thing, they definitely know what they are talking about. I will also be here, trusting God. 

I definitely can not exhaust all the lessons 1learnt from the four books I read in April, but I trust you have been able to learn a thing or two.

There is so much light***

Hey Blog Fam,

Trust we're all doing great and following hard after all the Lord has placed in our hearts.

So today's post is a old post I published on October 31st, 2019. 

It's centered on very sensitive topic, and I'll add one or two thoughts to it also.

Let's go...

***

Virginity might not really be a big deal to some people, but for some, it means the world to them, and they can’t imagine having a spouse who won’t be able to give them that as a wedding gift.

The kind of upbringing some men have already conditioned them to thinking about what their weeding night would look like, with he and his bride being virgins.

Let’s talk about Timothy and Lola

Timothy was brought up in a Christian family, he sees the way his father still takes pride in talking about being the one to deflower his mum even after thirty-five years of marriage and three children. 

Timothy unconsciously begins to see himself years from now also sitting with his children and telling them about how he and their mother had kept themselves, and how he had been the first man to have canal knowledge of their mom.

He felt led to propose to a Lola who is a sister he met on a trip to Eygpt during a cell program, and after due diligence on the part of the sister, she gave her consent. The day she said yes was his most happiest day on earth, he felt on top of the world to be engaged to such a great lady, until that fateful day five months into the relationship, Lola breaks the news the that she is not a virgin after seeing the way he talks about virgins and virgin bride.

Timothy thought his whole world was going to crumble.

He sits down in his office and keeps staring into space while seeing nothing but his mind mapping out different scenes of several men sleeping with his fiancée. Although she didn’t give him the details, his mind is creating episodes of what that night must have looked like.

He is at cross roads not knowing if he should continue with the relationship or just break it out rightly, the more he prays about the case, the more light he sees on that path but he can’t imagine getting married to a woman he won’t be able to brag about being the first man to sleep with her.

***

Dear brother who is engaged to a lady who is not a virgin,

I understand that you must be feeling as though God has cheated you by not giving you an untouched lady, especially if getting married to a virgin had been something you have always looked forward to, you get annoyed sometimes that you’ll be getting married to a lady who you will not have the luxury of saying you were the one who broke her hymen.

I was raised up among people who hold virginity in a high esteem and who would never listen to the stories of other ladies who are not virgins regardless of what the circumstances surrounding their disvirginity state might have been. 

As I began to move through life, I have met people who are not virgins not because they didn't like it but because of situations beyond them.

Recently, I attended a program recently somewhere on the island here in Lagos, Nigeria where I presently live,  a forty -one year old woman talked to us about her journey and how she had been molested by her uncle several times at age eleven. 

Some ladies were abused, some were raped, some had this affair when they didn't really know what their life is about.

While there are ladies who walked into having sex with their eyes opened, there are still some ladies who had no say concerning thier present status. 

Or what do you say about a three year old girl whose neighbor molested her and that young age; she has lost her virginity even before knowing what it means.

And even if your fiancée had sex as an adult who knew what she was doing and the repercussions, in as much as she is now in Christ, she is no longer her mistake. There is no denying the fact that she has slept with someone, but, she is no longer that lady who used to spread her legs to guys anymore, she has been translated, she is new.

Yes, you had been keeping yourself and have high hopes that your partner too will follow that path, but her not being a virgin should not be held against her.

Her not being a virgin does not affect her ability to be a good wife to you and a great mother to the children you will both have. There is still a life after you sleep with her for the first time, think about that. 

Have you ever thought of what happens after your first sexual experience, even if you are both virgins, you won't be one after that night o.

Don’t lose a priceless jewel because it came in a container you didn’t like, don't say no, don't run out of that ship on this basis.

She is by no means less to her fellow sister with an unbroken hymen, one thing is common in both, their Lord is Christ. Rather than being annoyed over the fact that God cheated you by not giving you a woman who has kept herself especially as a reward for all the years you have kept yourself, thank God for the gift he gave you.

The same God of Virgin Mary is the same God of Rahab the prostitute, and once your fiancee has come to God, see her through the lens of Christ, choose to see her as God sees her, although it might be difficult at first especially if you have other female friends who are virgins and you wonder what it might be to be the first one to sleep with a woman, you’ll get over it when you dwell on her many other strength.

You might need to ask yourself these questions;

Does she love God?

Is she committed to you?

Is she growing in her walk with God?

Does your core value align?

Does she fit into the future God has shown you?

Do you love her?

If you can sincerely answer those questions in the affirmative, and you're convinced she is God's will for your life, don't let her not being a virgin stop you.

Remember, therefore, if anyone (woman) is in Christ, he (and in this case, she )is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

That is what God thinks about her, ask him for help too to be able to see beyond the messed up lady to a gift given to you by God.

There is so much light***

Hey Blogfam

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all the Lord has placed in our hearts.

So today’s post is a personal finance post.

I am in my 20s although I am yet to decide if my age is included in the mid-twenties or late-twenties, whichever part of the spectrum that I belong to, the crux of the matter is that I am in my twenties and I have people within this age bracket make mistakes with their money. 

I have seen young people make a lot of mistakes with their money in their twenties.

The twenties for most of us is the time when we finish our first degree, and start working on our first jobs, it is the first time most of us have access to a monthly salary aside from the regular upkeep our parents sent to us during the undergraduate days.

So for some of us, we tend to indeed have increased access to money but with the access comes another problem, not being able to know what to do with the money, and thereby making some avoidable mistakes.

Even if you are not in your twenties, do keep reading because you'll learn a thing or two, so without further ado, let’s just right into today’s post;

1.    1. SPENDING ALL YOU EARN

The twenties are the years that most often than not, you still live with your parents, with little or no bill to pay for yourself, you are fed during the hours you are at home, and others even have the luxury of taking lunch to work, so in a nutshell, you aren’t spending your money on shelter and food, the only one might be on the clothing, and the monthly cash you give to your parents per month.

It then becomes a thing of concern when after one year of working, a young man in his twenties doesn’t have a healthy percentage of his income that hasn’t been spent on frivolities.

While this is not to judge you because I know that sometimes life happens, make sure you are not making the mistake of spending all your earnings. It's a big mistake. 

2.    2. NOT SAVING & INVESTING ON TIME

This is closely related to the first point.

If there is another mistake people in their twenties make, then it is the mistake of not saving.

One of the excuses young people in their twenties give for not saving is that; ‘The money is not enough.

It’s funny how a young person will claim that his/her salary is not enough when he doesn’t pay the rent for his house or have people he is feeding.

While I know that some people reading this might be in their twenties and are already married meaning that they already have to pay bills and cater to the wellbeing of their family, even then, you still have to save a portion of your income.

Ask any finance-oriented person you have around you, and they will tell you that if you start saving and investing the money saved in a high-interest account that gives say a 10% per annum, and you start doing this by the time you are age 25, if another friend starts saving and investing in the same account at 35, the young person who started his saving and investing at 25 will have a minimum of 30% more than the person who started at 35 years old, sometimes even more than 30%. It's called the power of compounding, and to truly enjoy this power, you need the years. 

You don’t want to save because you think the money is not enough, but if you look closely into your life, you’ll realize that there are some frivolities that you spend money on that are totally unnecessary. Make a list of the things you spend your income on and see for yourself. 

If after looking at your list, you realize that all the things you have on the list are essential, now may be the time to start thinking about what else you can do to increase your income which will help you save.

I am from the Yoruba tribe in Nigeria, and they have an adage which I'll translate loosely; the money a young boy makes first is used in the purchase of mundane things. This doesn’t have to be you, you can use the money you have access to now for things that truly matters to you which will continually yield into your 30s, 40s and beyond.

If you think you have no need for money at the moment and hence you don’t need to save, I’d tell you that it is better to have money saved and not need it, than to need money and not have money saved. The latter is not a good place to be at all, and I am sure you don’t want to be there. So, don't make the mistake of not saving moving. 

3.   3. THINKING YOU HAVE TIME

Another mistake that people in their twenties make is thinking that they have time, it is true that you still have the advantage of time ahead of you, it is also true that the clock is ticking and time waits for no one. 

I celebrated my birthday about two weeks back, and I was telling a friend how I couldn’t believe it has been almost six years since I left the university. I mean it still feels like yesterday. It only drives home the point that time waits for no one.

If you don’t start doing what needs to be done with your finances while thinking that you have time, you might just suddenly wake up one day only to discover tomorrow is your 40^th birthday.

Yes, you still have the advantage of time, but ensure that you are fully maximizing it.

4.   4. INVESTING IN THINGS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND

A look at the statistics of those falling for the get-rich-quick schemes are majorly people in their twenties.

One of the mistakes you can make as a person in your twenties is putting your income into a business idea or an investment opportunity that you do not fully understand, it can cost you a lot.

The advantage of the time that you have is a good thing here because, for whatever that happens in your twenties, you can always still scale through and come out at the other side of the tunnel stronger, but even with the advantage of time, it is best you only put your money in the things you understand. 

You don't want to lose three years' income on a business idea that goes bad. 

This does not mean that you should be totally risk-averse, who will never put money into a business unless you understand it 100%, of course not. There is a need to understand whatever you want to invest in to a large extent, and after you have done your due diligence and you feel comfortable with your decision, by all means, go ahead. Balance is the key here. 

5.   5. NOT INVESTING IN KNOWLEDGE

My first degree was in Microbiology, this is to show you that I don’t have a background in the money world, and even if you have a degree in Accounting, most of the things you were taught were the theoretical part of managing money or how to manage funds for the government and not how to make,  manage and multiply your own money. 

In the real world now, you’ll have to seek the knowledge that can help your finances. That you are reading this Blog Post shows that you are interested in your financial life.

And to fully understand all things money, you will have to read books, watch vides, subscribe to finance communities and keep learning.

Don't take a passive role in the matter of your personal finance, take an active one. The person you will look at on your 50th birthday (if Christ tarries) will thank you for it. 

As a recap, the mistakes for you to avoid are; don't spend all you earn, start saving and investing on time, don't think about the time you have ahead thereby procrastinating on what you need to get done now, don't invest in the things you don't understand, and keep getting all the knowledge you can that can help your finances. 

So, there you have it, and I am sure you got a thing or two.

See you next week Thursday by God's grace.

There Is So Much Light***

Related: PERSONAL FINANCE; WHAT IF I LOSE MY JOB TOMORROW?

              PERSONAL FINANCE; DO I NEED TO EARN MORE TO SAVE MORE?

Hey Blog Fam

Trust we are all doing great and following hard after all that the Lord has placed in our hearts.

Today’s post is quite a sensitive one, especially for the Gen Z and millennials who have come to accept the digital life and world as normal.

I for one belong to the Gen Z group, I was born in the mid-nineties, so by the time I was a teenager and blooming into adulthood, the social media thing was already a norm.

Looking back now, I remember how as a secondary school student, my friends and I usually attend a tutorial center, it was a volunteering foundation that believed in adding the knowledge we were getting from school. We were taught Mathematics, English, and about life. 

After this tutorial every Saturday, I and my two friends usually visit a café. A cafe is a place where the owner of the business buys desktops/laptops and then buys data for his space. Anyone who wants to use the desktop/laptop will walk into such a space and buys time in exchange for the ability to use the desktop. 

It was during one of my visits to this place that I opened my first Facebook account, as at the time of writing this, that time is over twelve years now.

The world has evolved over time from when I used to go to cafés to browse to now access to all the apps in the world on my phone with an internet facility.

Those days, once your time expired in the café, you had to leave the place or buy time again. But in our world today, you can decide to be on Facebook or Instagram from 7:00am to 7:00pm and once your phone is charged and you have data or access to Wifi, you can make good this dream.

Social Media has a lot of uses and it can either be a good thing or an evil thing depending on how you use it.

I am currently reading the book Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport, it was recommended by CoachE' and so much knowledge is flooding my heart!

The way we use Social Media can either be to our advantage or not.

People have failed exams, burnt food, and had accidents that were so fatal that they led to death all because of their use of social media.

Others have won scholarships, had people co-fund their university education, and even met their spouses all because of their use of social media.

So, you will agree that social media is not good or bad, it only depends on how you use it.

Let me share some thoughts to help you in your use of the social media that is bound to help you get the best out of it and to ensure that the evil therein does not overpower you.

1.   1. Always Remember That You Are The Product

This will be the number one thing for me.

Research describes Social Media describes as the business sector that makes money gathering consumers’ attention and then repackaging and selling it to advertisers.

You see the modern apps on your phone were designed with the best intention of connecting you with your loved ones and giving you information, but over the years, they have moved from that noble goal to ensuring that you are addicted to their service.

The concept behind this is that the more time you use on these apps, the more the company’s venue increases.

Social media can be so addictive, that you find yourself spending between three to five hours daily on it while neglecting all the more important things that you should be doing with your own life.

When next you are about to login into an App, remember that you are the product, and ensure that rather than having some companies use you, make sure you only use those apps in a way that makes you a more valuable person.

2.   2. Regulate The Time You Spend On It

Telling you to abruptly stop using your social media apps is not sustainable.

You can sustain it for a while, but over time, it will only lead you to burn out.

As someone who has been consistently using social media without any regulation, you might want to cut the time you have been spending on it in half, and then move from there. You can track the hours you use on it. If you have been using three hours per day before, you might want to consider reducing that three hours to two-and-half hours and continually keep reducing that time at intervals, until you reach a healthy limit.

There are ways you can track the time you spend using these various apps. Go to the settings of your phone and walk your way to the App management, and regulate the time you spend on these Apps. 

Even if you have a business that thrives online, know when to stay online and when to go offline. Don’t deceive yourself when you know that the reason you are online is not the business but the enjoyment you are enjoying from scrolling through the various newsfeeds. To thy own self be true. 

Remember that the more time you spend on these apps, the less time you have to spend on the things that really matter to you.

3.   3. Only Start Using It When You Are Through With Your Major Goals

Another way you can use social media in a healthy way is by disciplining yourself to only log into some social media sites only if you have ticked off all your major goals for the day.

In practice, let’s say your three important goals for the day is to read 30 pages of your book for the month, journal, and finish the report you are expected to submit to your director at work. You start your day with doing these three top goals, during the hours spent trying to do these top three goals, you are not expected to log in to any social media app, you are expected to face your assignments squarely only after you are through with your tasks, then and only then will you be allowed to login into any site.

Doing this requires a whole lot of discipline and it shows how much value you place on your life.

While there might be no one there to judge if you didn’t quickly login to a website, I’ll advise that you value yourself that much to stick to doing the things you said you would do and only come on social media when you are through with your tasks.

No one might know, but you know when you are being true to yourself.

4    4. Replace The Time You Use On It With Other Productive Activities

Everyone is given twenty-four hours a day, but the quality of life we individually live depends on the things we do during those twenty-four hours every day.

While a portion of those hours goes into sleeping to refresh our bodies, the remaining hours are for us to decide what to do with them.

After you have decided to start reducing the time you spend on social media, the time will be there for you to fill, but when you do not fill it up, you might be tempted to waste it or worse go on the social media.

So to help curb this, you need to put those free hours you previously used on social media with productive things.

Depending on your season in life, the list of productive things you can indulge in differs. It can include;

-         Reading a chapter of a book

-          Visiting  a friend

-          Praying

-          Finally studying that portion of the bible you have procrastinated upon

-          Listening to a podcast while taking notes

This list is not exhaustive.

While some of the ideas on the list include things you have to do online or on your phone, to reduce the temptation of quickly checking your news feed, you can do them on your laptop, or go offline before deciding to do them. You can also download the book you want to read, read a hard copy bible instead of the one on your phone to reduce the temptation or download the podcasts before listening to it.

Another way is to totally delete the Apps from your device so that rather than fighting the temptation, you can decide to eliminate it. Before deleting the apps, make sure you have done the process mentioned in number 2 of this post so that you will not end up feeling deprived and then not caring about the hours you spend on it and thereby forfeiting the benefit of the whole process.

5.       

5    5. Use Certain Apps Only On Weekends

This is another game-changer.

As you are trying to limit the time you spend on social media, you can decide to restrict the use of some Apps to only weekends. This will help you face your tasks squarely knowing that by Saturday and Sunday, you will be able to use the apps.

And even in your use during the weekend, make sure it is regulated, so that you don’t end up using ten hours every weekend mindlessly scrolling up and down various news feeds.

Intentionality is the word here.

6. Mute All Notifications

I have done this for over two years now and I can't imagine living life with all notifications on.

6.   7. On Weak Days, Don't Go Too Far

There are days I have found myself, mindlessly scrolling news feeds too. It often comes after a season of total abstinence, and then I decide to splurge a little. 

There are days like that, the goal is to make sure those days are rare.

In your journey towards reclaiming your life from social media, there will be days you find yourself spending too much time than you allotted online. 

I have days when I look at my daily goals and rather than ticking items off, I move from one social site to another, while this is not to promote indiscipline, it is just to tell you there might be times once in a while when you find yourself slipping into mindless scrolling on news feed.

A big caveat here should be to tell you that while these days can happen, it should be occasional and not the norm. it should happen like once in a white moon (whatever this means), just to let you know that it should be a very rare occurrence. Remember, we are disciplined people, who are also disciplined even in our use of social media.

Don't stop browsing to do your tasks, take a break from your tasks to quickly browse and get back to your tasks. 

Social media is neither good nor bad for us, it only depends on how we use it. 

These are my thoughts, and I trust that God helps us to use our time wisely and not have an excuse for not doing the things we should do because we were staring at the glowing screens of our devices.

There Is So Much Light*** 

Related: POINTERS THAT YOU NEED A SOCIAL MEDIA BREAK + HOW TO GET IT DONE

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